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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24651862">From beginning to Death</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tuckduck/pseuds/Tuckduck'>Tuckduck</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Beetlejuice - All Media Types, Beetlejuice - Perfect/Brown &amp; King</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Arguments, Death, Don’t read this if you’re sensitive to sexual topics, F/M, Fluff, High School, Hospitals, I'm not french, Infertility, Like, Marriage Proposal, Maybe some angst, Mild Sexual Content, Moving, Sleepovers, Slice of Life, That I can remember, That's what it's about towards the end, There's a lot more but these are the mayor things, Vacation, Weddings, family members - Freeform, headcanons, i guess?, very mild</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 03:22:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>25,038</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24651862</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tuckduck/pseuds/Tuckduck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>This is just the love story of the Maitlands before their unfortunate death. Everything is pretty much based on headcanons.</p><p>It doesn't include other characters as this is set before the events of the musical.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Adam Maitland/Barbara Maitland</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>From beginning to Death</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I wrote this between November and April, it's been chilling in my docs for a while now and after some friends read it and told me it was good I decided to post.</p><p>Now a few things to keep in mind, English is not my first language and I haven’t really read through all of this so there are definitely mistakes. This also means that if anything isn’t accurate, just take it with a grain of salt, the point of writing this wasn’t to post it so I based it mostly on my own experiences. The characters are quite OOC, I have nothing to say about that. I am an insecure little shit so like... don’t be too harsh, this is the first fanfiction I have ever written. Reading this all in one go is very different from writing it for 6 months, plot holes are my mistake. Loads of things get talked about in this that are never mentioned again and I’m sorry but I forgot about it...</p><p>I still hope that someone out there can get a little joy out of reading this, it’s a basic slice of life throughout their life kind of thing.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They met each other for the first time in the hallway.</p><p>It was the first day of school, a beautiful August day, warm breezes of fresh air. Kids riding down the hill on their bikes while the parking lot slowly filled up with cars. Adam stood in front of the entrance that lead in to his new school where he would spend his next four years. Was he scared? Of course, it was a whole new environment, Adam had never had any academic struggles, that wasn’t what he worried about, starting in a new school meant having to make friends, which wasn’t exactly Adam’s strong side.</p><p>He looked at his wristwatch.</p><p>“Ah shoot” he whispered to himself, class started in 8 minutes and he hadn’t even gone in the building yet. He felt his feet moved him up the stairs, walking in the door, he bumped into a bunch of different people who didn’t have the time nor care to apologize.</p><p>His classroom was located in a narrow hallway, it was less crowded here and Adam took the time to breathe a bit and pushed up his glasses from the tip of his nose. As he looked up from the floor where his gaze had been placed for the whole journey, he saw a group of girls coming directly towards him. The girls were so caught up in their talking and neither them or Adam had the reflex to dodge at the last second. The impact didn’t hurt but it was enough to make him fall back and land on the floor.</p><p>“Oh I’m so sorry” one of the girls said, she had beautiful curly hair and was wearing a short light blue dress. Adam was startled for a second before he came back to his senses.</p><p>“Nah don’t worry about it” he stood up and brushed his pants off with both his hands.  </p><p>“Are you new here too?”</p><p>“What? I mean yeah, are you?”</p><p>“Yeah I just told you” she giggled.</p><p>Adam scratched the back of his head and smiled awkwardly.</p><p>“We need to go, class in 3 minutes” said one of the other girls as the rest of the group except for the girl who Adam has ran into started walking away. </p><p>“Coming” she said “Sorry again” </p><p>And with that she was off.</p><p>Class wasn’t interesting after that, Adam only had one thought stuck in his head. It was the image of the girl in the blue dress with those beautiful curls. Her smile as she said sorry was glued in front of his eyes, oh that smile and those bright eyes. Her voice rang in his head. And before he knew it, the lesson was over. </p><p>As he walked out the door of the classroom he decided to hurry and get to the next class early, he was stopped by someone dragging him from the moving hurd of students. In confusion he turned around. Behind him stood the girl he’d run into. He blushed slightly and looked away from her stare. </p><p>“I know you’re in a hurry but just let me introduce myself” she spoke fast as if scared he’d run away mid-sentence “I’m Barbara”</p><p>“Adam” </p><p>“You wanna hang out after school today, we’ll only be in the park right next to the school” the girl, Barbara, said hopefully.</p><p>“Ehm yeah, that would be great” he said, stumbling a bit over his words.</p><p>“Ok great, see you” she started walking but stopped in her tracks “Good luck with class”</p><p>“You too”</p><p>They smiled at each other and Adam could feel a warm feeling spreading in his body.</p><p>***</p><p>It had been a couple of months now since they became friends, that afternoon at the park hadn’t been more exciting than getting to know each other and also finding out they had a few common interests as well as exchanging numbers.</p><p>“So you wouldn’t consider that a good method of solving it?” Barbara looked down at the equation on the paper laid out on her bed.</p><p>“It’s not bad but you know the best way-”</p><p>“Is the quickest way, I know” she filled in for Adam.</p><p>They were at Barbara’s house this friday, Adam helping her with math homework. They had gotten really close in the past few months and Adam liked to help her with school work as he was pretty good himself (not to brag). People would probably not consider it optimal to do homework on the bed, yet here they both were, laying on their stomachs next to each other staring at the paper. Barbara suddenly rolled over to lay on her back.</p><p>“Why does math have to be so stupid and unpredictable?” she put her arm over her eyes “I’m dropping out”</p><p>Adam sat up next to her.</p><p>“It’s not once you get the hang of it”</p><p>She sighed dramatically and smiled, removing her arm from over her eyes, switching her gaze from the ceiling to Adam.</p><p>“I’ll just stay with you the rest of my life so you can do the math for me” she said playfully.</p><p>As much as Adam knew it was only a joke, his heart still skipped a beat at her words, he was so grateful for being her friend already but he wasn’t selfish enough to let his other feelings take over and ruin what he already had. He smiled at her.</p><p>“How would you feel about staying over?” Barbara asked.</p><p>They hadn’t stayed over before and for Barbara to just ask that out of nowhere without planning before took Adam aback just a bit. Barbara gave him a questioning look when he hadn’t answered for a while.</p><p>“Yeah, I mean… sure” Adam shrugged. His mom was away visiting some friends out of town and to be honest, he didn’t really like to be alone in their small apartment. </p><p>It was getting late when Adam suggested they fix his sleeping arrangement now and avoid doing it when they were too tired.</p><p>“My plan was that you could sleep in my bed, that’s always what my friends do” Adam eyed the bed at Barbara’s words and she quickly chimed in “I promise it’s big enough, otherwise we have a mattress in the basement I could bring up” </p><p>“You know what, it’s fine, I’ll take the bed” He said after some thinking.</p><p>Barbara looked at him happily and walked over to the bookcase on the other wall.</p><p>“Ready to play some scrabble?”</p><p>The clock showed past 1 am when Adam yawned.</p><p>“You tired? Maybe we should go to bed” Barbara asked.</p><p>He nodded. Barbara got up from the floor across from Adam and walked over to the bed, she spread her pillows out to make room for two and pulled out a blanket that she threw at Adam with a laugh. He yelped as the blanket hit him and covered his face, it was blue, much like Barbara’s dress when they first met. He pulled it off his head and smiled in mock anger at the thrower of the blanket who was now standing by her dresser grinning at him. </p><p>“I’ll go change in the bathroom” she said while pulling out her pajamas. It was then Adam noticed they were still wearing their normal clothes and- he didn’t have anything to sleep in, he was wearing a white T-shirt and jeans which he’d been wearing the whole day, that wouldn’t be comfortable to sleep in.</p><p>“Hey Barbara”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“I don’t have any other clothes”</p><p>“Oh” she looked around her room searching for a solution “What do you usually sleep in?” she asked now looking in one of the drawers. </p><p>“A T-shirt and some sweatpants” </p><p>“Well I can get you a T-shirt but I think my one pair of sweatpants are a bit too small for you” Barbara was way shorter than Adam, only reaching to about his shoulders. </p><p>“Ok I’ll take the T-shirt at least then”</p><p>Barbara got out a band T-shirt she told him she’d gotten at a concert she and her friends went to last year, she then left the room to change and left Adam alone. He took off his T-shirt in favor of the one Barbara had given him, he took off his pants and picked the blanket up from the floor and walked over to the bed. He didn’t necessarily feel uncomfortable as he laid down, the bed was actually really soft and so were the pillows. The feeling he felt was more of an intruding one, this wasn’t his bed after all. </p><p>Barbara came back a few minutes later. </p><p>“Sorry I took so long, my dad had woken up and was wondering why we’re still up” </p><p>She came over to the bed and slipped under the covers beside him, neither of them uttering a word, Adam removed his glasses and put them on the bedside table then shifted a bit underneath his own blanket to adjust to the new figure laying on his left side. </p><p>“You don’t find it weird do you?” Barbara said.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“That we’re sleeping in the same bed”</p><p>“I’m gonna be honest, this friend thing is still a bit new to me”</p><p>Barbara turned her head to look at him “What do you mean?”</p><p>Adam shrugged. </p><p>“You know it’s fine if you don’t want to talk about it” Barbara said and put a hand on his arm. </p><p>“Yeah maybe another day, I’m tired” he said with a sad smile.</p><p>“Ok. Good night” Barbara said as she reached over to turn off the light.</p><p>“Good night” Adam answered into the now dark room “I don’t find it weird by the way.” Barbara smiled to herself as she closed her eyes and let sleep consume her.</p><p>***</p><p>They stayed friends for the rest of high school. They always supported each other no matter what, of course they had their ups and downs, all friends did, but what was the most important thing was that they always came back to one another. Yeah maybe Adam had stronger feelings and wanted to be more than friends but he was perfectly happy with the friendship he had as that was what he was offered. </p><p>“Guess who just got an A on that math test” Barbara came skipping towards Adam who was standing outside the entrance waiting for her. She waved a paper in his face “And it’s all thanks to you” she chuckled happily.</p><p>“Nah you did a lot of it yourself, you’re smarter than you think” Barbara blushed at the comment and without warning she pulled him into an embrace. </p><p>“But seriously, thank you” she mumbled into his neck, and Adam hugged her back “Ready for summer next week?” she asked as she released him from her hug.</p><p>“Not really, I can’t believe how fast these years have gone by, feels like just yesterday<br/>
I stood outside these doors for the first time” Adam said.</p><p>“Feels like it was yesterday I met you for the first time” Barbara remarked and smiled at him.<br/>
“I had an idea for after school next week, how about you and I go to the park?”</p><p>Adam remembered the first time they had hung out, it had been at that very park, they had both been so young back then. Still it was one of the nights he felt he would always look back at with a smile. </p><p>“I’d love to go to the park with you” Adam said. Barbara’s face lit up like it always did when she got excited.</p><p>“Ok then I’ll see you later, I promised I’d see the girls today, they wanted to have a “last meal” together before school ends” she giggled. Adam never really got to know Barbara’s friends even if he did hear them whispering about him from time to time when they were standing in the hallway while he was waiting for Barbara, and she had also told him how they would talk about him on sleepovers, much to her annoyance. </p><p>They hugged again but shorter than before, they exchanged goodbyes and Barbara skipped away in the direction of her car which was standing in the parking lot. Adam himself walked over to his bike, he jumped on and started heading in the direction of his home. When he got home he instantly walked over to his room, just briefly saying hi to his mom who was sitting in the living room with a book in her hands. He sat down at his desk and picked up a journal he kept in a drawer under the desk. This is where he would usually write down his thoughts and feelings about the day, it was always short and sweet and took no longer than 5 minutes to write. He had started only about 2 years ago but still most pages had Barbara written on them at least once, but was that really weird? She was pretty much his only friend and they did spend a lot of time together. He picked up his pen and got to work on the page.</p><p>Later, he was sitting at the dinner table with his mom eating dinner.</p><p>“Just so you know, I’m gonna meet up with Barbara next week after school. On tuesday” Adam said, looking down at his plate.</p><p>“Ok, just promise to be home before 10” his mom said “You know how worried I get”</p><p>“Yeah I know” Adam was her only child and ever since he was young she had always been very protective of him. </p><p>“What are you gonna do then?” She asked. </p><p>“Hang out I think, I don’t know what her plans are for summer. We’re gonna be at the park by school” </p><p>”You two really are such a nice pair you know” his mom said. </p><p>The rest of dinner was a quiet affair. </p><p>***</p><p>Barbara sat lonely on one of the swings as Adam approached her, she was looking down at her feet as they kicked the ground. </p><p>“Hey” Adam said softly, he didn’t want to startle her. She snapped up her head but as soon as she saw who it was her face cracked into a big smile.</p><p>“Hi!” she exclaimed and got off the swing to give him a hug, she held on in the hug for longer than usual. They went to find a bench and sat down next to each other. They talked about nothing and everything, about memories from the school years, they laughed together when remembering. Barbara put her head on Adam’s shoulder and sighed.</p><p>“I’m so happy to have spent these years with you” she said and Adam had almost blurted out his feelings then and there, for all he knew this could be the last moment like this he would share with Barbara. There were a few moments before Barbara spoke again.</p><p>“You know I was actually supposed to tell you something” her voice sounded shaky and Adam turned his head to her and was met by her hair on his own shoulder, it looked a bit darker than it had when they first met but the perfect curls were still there.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I... I don’t want to lose you” her voice broke a bit as she stuttered the words.</p><p>“What do you mean lose me? I’m right here, I’d never leave you” Adam turned his whole body towards her now and Barbara was forced to face him, looking straight into his eyes. Her eyes seemed to have unshed tears in them, Adam used his left hand to stroke down her face which made those tear slowly emerge and fall down her cheeks, she started sobbing and Adam pulled her into a hug which she gladly accepted. </p><p>“Shh it’s ok” he whispered into her neck “I’m here, I’m not going anywhere”</p><p>“I love you so much” came a small sound from Barbara in between the sobs.</p><p>Adam froze. Barbara noticed because the hand that had stroked her back suddenly stopped in its tracks. She pulled away from the hug and wiped under her eyes where the tears were still falling, the sobbing had lessened enough for her to speak.</p><p>“You ok?” she whispered.</p><p>Adam let out a laugh because of the absurdity of it, Barbara had just been sitting there crying five seconds ago and now she asked if he was okay. He nodded and looked away. </p><p>“I’m sorry” Barbara said and started standing up from the bench. Adam watched dumbfounded at first before grabbing her hand and pulling her back down next to him. </p><p>“Barbara… you have nothing to be sorry for, why would you say that?”</p><p>“I’ve ruined everything” was the only thing that came out of her mouth.</p><p>“No, Barb, absolutely not” He ran a hand through her hair.</p><p>After a few minutes of just sitting quietly, looking out over the green plains of the park Barbara spoke.</p><p>“It’s true though, I… I have feelings for you, I hope you- Well I hope we can stay friends still”</p><p>Adam looked over at her, her eyes were still on the horizon. </p><p>“How long?” Barbara looked right back at Adam, the question hadn’t comforted her at all.</p><p>“I would say for the past two years or so…” she answered, they could talk about this like adults.</p><p>“Then I win”</p><p>“What?” Barbara said, not understanding what was going on. Adam’s face was filled with a huge smile.</p><p>“I’ve liked you since I first met you” God did that feel good to get off his chest. Barbara looked at him confused for a second before something that resembled a grin started making its way onto her tear-stained face. Neither of them uttered a single word, they just sat there smiling at each other like idiots.</p><p>“Your teeth are showing” Adam stated humorously and pointed at her mouth, that got a chuckle out of Barbara. He loved it when she laughed, it was soft and gentle in a way and so, so genuine. He would make her laugh any moment he got.</p><p>“And that bothers you because?” she mocked.</p><p>“It doesn’t, it just shows me it’s real” Adam answered staring lovingly at Barbara. </p><p>***</p><p>Being in a relationship brought a bunch of first for both of them. </p><p>It started with them holding hands when they walked around in public, when sleeping over they would cuddle up together in the bed and wake up the next morning tangled in the sheets. One day, they had been out to get a coffee together and study and without really thinking about it, Adam kissed her on the lips just before they parted ways. As soon as he realized what he did he let out a small “oops” while Barbara just stood there smirking.</p><p>“Am I not getting a better kiss than that?” And with that she pulled him in again and kissed him for what felt like forever but was in reality probably just a few seconds. Starting from there, they kissed whenever they got the chance and it started to become one of Adam’s favorite things about being with Barbara. Her lips were so soft and kissing her always tasted sweet. Sometimes the kiss was short and sweet, like when saying hello, goodbye or good luck. Sometimes they were passionate, not like in the movies, Adam had found out that was false advertisement, yet they made him feel something deep inside that could never be put into words. Then of course there were the kisses on cheeks and heads, done to comfort most of the time but they were also Adam’s personal favorite, without a doubt. </p><p>The first time they had said I love you was before going to bed one night at Adam’s place. It had felt so natural that Adam started to wonder why they hadn’t done it before. </p><p>“Good night, love you” </p><p>“Love you too, sleep well”</p><p>They always made sure to go slow and take small steps at a time, both afraid of accidentally ruining the growing love, but one night as the rain was falling outside and they were both in their pajamas in Barbara’s bed, just like many times before, but this was different. They started kissing each other. The lamp beside the bed was still on and maybe it was just an illusion but it felt as when their kissing got heavier, so did the rain outside. When it was over Barbara turned off the lamp, they laid down on the bed, faces close together.</p><p>“You wanna do that again sometime?” Barbara whispered with a laugh and wriggled her eyebrows.</p><p>“Absolutely” Adam answered. </p><p>They fell asleep soon afterward, naked and cuddling. The next morning was sunny, it was a calm Sunday and neither of them had anything planned. They woke up late in the morning and went up to get breakfast, both wearing their pajamas. The house was empty and they stood together in the kitchen, sides pressed to each other as they made marmalade sandwiches. When they were done they sat down at the table on opposite sides and started to eat.</p><p>“This tastes so good” Adam said after taking a bite of his sandwich.</p><p>Barbara nodded as she too took a bite “I was so hungry” </p><p>“Me too”</p><p>Barbara chuckled and Adam blushed. When they were done with breakfast they decided to go on a walk and get some fresh air. The winter was just coming to an end and the spring air smelled of new life as the trees started to bloom, the birds had started to chirp again and as they walked Barbara closed her eyes and took a deep breath through her nose.</p><p>“It’s wonderful isn’t it?” she said in a low voice. </p><p>“Yeah it is” He took her hand and they continued down the sidewalk. </p><p>“Should we go to the store? I need to pick up some milk” </p><p>They walked to the store which was just 10 minutes from Barbara’s house. It was almost empty. They walked down one of the aisles where the dairy products were, Adam picked a milk carton from a shelf.</p><p>“This one’s good?” He asked, Barbara came up behind him and looked over his shoulder, she had gotten taller and was now just a tiny bit shorter than Adam. She put her chin on his shoulder.</p><p>“Yeah but I usually go for that one” she pointed at the carton standing on the shelf above the one Adam had picked up. He put the one in his hands back and grabbed the one Barbara had pointed out for him, her chin glided of his shoulder as he reached up for it. </p><p>“Ready to go check out?” Adam asked, milk carton in hand.</p><p>“Sure you don’t need anything else?” Barbara asked. </p><p>“Not that I’m aware, we could always come back later” </p><p>They walked up to the cash register, paid, and left the store. They walked straight back to Barbara’s house. Her parents were inside in the kitchen and saw them coming.</p><p>“You’re back” her mom said “we were wondering when you would turn up” </p><p>“We’re making lunch, do you want some?” her dad asked. Barbara looked at Adam.</p><p>“I would love to but I’m probably not gonna eat a lot, we just had breakfast” he looked at the clock “3 hours ago”</p><p>“Yeah we noticed you were sleeping in this morning and we didn’t want to disturb you. But you shouldn’t stay up so late or it will become a habit” her mom said. Barbara smiled down at the floor. They stood there a bit awkwardly before she pulled both of them to her room.</p><p>“You just come knocking on the door once it’s done yeah?” Barbara said to her parents and they both hummed in agreement. She closed the door behind her as they reached her room and broke into a laughing fit. </p><p>“Wait, you don’t think they heard anything last night, right?” Adam looked horrified which only made Barbara laugh even more.</p><p>“No I don’t think so” she said and continued laughing.</p><p>“It’s not funny” Adam said but you could clearly hear the smile in his voice “I thought we were pretty discreet”</p><p>Barbara went to hug him on the bed, still laughing but lighter now that she had calmed down. She kissed Adam’s neck in the hug which made him go a bit stiff, she then pulled back and kissed him on the lips.</p><p>After lunch, they just spent the afternoon together, Barbara’s parents had found an old photo album in the attic the day before and were now dedicated to tell all details about every photo of a younger version of Barbara, it was everything from baby photos to photos of her first day of school. Adam noticed that even at that young age she had still had her curls, a bit messier but still there, he looked back at the older Barbara who was sitting behind him and with her parents still lost in the book, he brought up a hand and touched her hair, it was so soft.</p><p>“Beautiful” he half mouthed half-whispered to her, taking a piece of hair and wrapping it around his finger. She blushed. </p><p>Adam headed home later that evening after saying goodbye to Barbara and her parents. His mom was home waiting for him, she was wearing a nightgown and had most likely been waiting for him to get home.</p><p>“You’re glowing” she told him. Adam smiled and blushed at the comment. After saying goodnight they both went to their separate rooms, Adam lay down on his bed and looked at the ceiling. He grinned and thought about the next time he would meet Barbara. He couldn’t wait.</p><p>***</p><p>By the time they were both 20, they moved in together, it was a small apartment that only really fit a bed, desk and an armchair, the kitchen, lucky for them, was in another room. The first few days or so had been magical, with the living together aspect exciting both of them. But after it had sunken in and they realized that they would actually have to coexist in this very small area, reality hit. They weren’t always sweet and having an argument when you couldn’t just walk away was something they both had to adjust to. But there were the good days too. Like today.</p><p>“Gooood morning” Adam whispered, he was sitting next to Barbara on the bed “I made us breakfast” </p><p>Barbara yawned and opened her eyes. She sat up under the covers and leaned her back against the wall. Adam put down a tray on the bed and gave her a kiss on the cheek. </p><p>“Slept well?” He asked.</p><p>“Yeah, I didn’t notice you left though” she said in a tired voice and rubbed her eyes “What about you?” </p><p>“Was fine but I woke up early so I thought we could start the day in the best way possible” he motioned at the food on the plates. </p><p>They ate in bed and when they were done, Adam went into the kitchen to wash up the dishes. Barbara jumped off the bed and put on some slippers, she walked into the kitchen as well. Adam was standing by the sink and she walked up and wrapped her arms around him from behind. </p><p>“Thank you for breakfast”</p><p>“You’re welcome” he put down the dishes in the sink and turned around in her hug, they now stood face to face. She leaned forward and pressed a short kiss to his mouth. </p><p>“I love you” she whispered and Adam blushed.</p><p>“I love you too” </p><p>Later that evening Adam was sitting in bed with a crossword as Barbara walked in from the bathroom after a shower.</p><p>“Do you ever want to get married?”</p><p>Adam dropped his crossword in pure shock.</p><p>“Excuse me, wha- what?” </p><p>“I just thought about it in the shower” she said and when Adam didn’t answer she followed up with “I don’t mean now obviously, but in the future” </p><p>She was standing at the foot of the bed in a bathrobe, looking at him. </p><p>”Why did you think of that now?” He asked. </p><p>”I don’t know...” Barbara mumbled, seeming a bit embarrassed now. </p><p>He patted the spot next to him to signal her to come sit on the bed. </p><p>“Don’t you think it’s a bit early to start talking about those things now?” </p><p>Barbara had climbed up on the bed and was settling in next to him. </p><p>“I personally don’t think it’s ever too early to start planning the future” she said looking down at the space between them “And I know I want to be with you” </p><p>Adam put his arm around her shoulders. </p><p>“It doesn’t feel weird talking about the future for you?” </p><p>“Nope and I’ve got everything planned out for us, after we get married we’re gonna move to somewhere far from here, to a small town where everyone knows each other, and we’ll have two cats and-”</p><p>“We are not getting a cat, let alone two” Adam cut her off. She looked up at him with a smirk.</p><p>“Yeah we are, just wait and see” he huffed at that but let her continue “And the house we buy will have a big yard so that we can do gardening” Adam looked at her in awe as she spoke “our children can play there too” </p><p>“Our children huh? When did I ever say I wanted kids?” He laughed.</p><p>Barbara gasped dramatically “So you don’t want to marry me and now you don’t want to have children, jeez Adam I think I’ll have to find someone else, bye” she started getting off the bed but Adam took her by the waist and pulled her back. They both laughed as Barbara fell back down on the bed. They started kissing, softly at first.</p><p>“Don’t even try, no guy would ever compare to me” Adam said.</p><p>“Is that so?” she asked, raising an eyebrow at him. Adam nodded and started kissing her again. The kissing slowly got deeper and the room started feeling hot. Barbara took off her robe and Adam pushed himself off her a bit to remove his own T-shirt and as soon as it was off she dragged him down onto the bed again.</p><p>“Eager?” he said a bit out of breath. The remaining clothes on his body were gone soon after that. They had been together for about 3 years and they were way more comfortable with each other's bodies now, they knew what the other one liked and what they didn’t like which would make the whole experience a lot more enjoyable for both people taking part. They ended up, sweaty, on the bed afterward.</p><p>“And that’s how babies are made” Barbara laughed and Adam hit her arm playfully and laughed himself “It’s good to know for future projects”</p><p>They laid there just breathing for a while to get back down from the high.</p><p>“I need another shower now” Barbara said after a while “Thank you very much”</p><p>“No problem” he chuckled “You did smell so nice though, did you use the new soap?” </p><p>“Yeah” she nodded. She moved her body closer to Adam in order to lay her head on his chest, he brought up a hand and started to play with her hair, running his hand through it, it was still a little wet and had gotten a bit messed up during their activities earlier. Barbara tilted her head up slightly and looked at Adam.</p><p>“I love you” she said. Adam didn’t answer, he just kissed her and they looked dearly at one another.</p><p>***</p><p>Adam was pacing the livingroom, it was filled with moving boxes stacked on each other. They had just moved into a new apartment and were finally done with getting all the boxes there. The place had a bigger kitchen and two rooms, one was used as their bedroom and the other one was the one he was currently pacing. Barbara walked in through the door from the kitchen.</p><p>“Can you please stop pacing honey, these floors aren’t exactly soundless” she complained and sat down on the couch, some friends had helped them get it up the stairs to the third floor where the apartment was. </p><p>“Sorry” he said and sat down on the couch too “Did you know we had this much stuff?”</p><p>“I knew we had stuff, but no, I didn’t know it was this much” Barbara said and they both looked out at the sea of boxes.</p><p>“What’s even in these?” Adam opened a box that stood close to his feet “It looks like... Christmas decoration? Since when do we own enough Christmas decorations to fill a whole moving box?” </p><p>Barbara peeked into the box “Oh that’s some stuff my mom gave me” </p><p>“And you accepted it?”</p><p>“What was I supposed to do then?”</p><p>“You could have told her that we already have enough things as it is” he was getting irritated. </p><p>“I didn’t know we had this much stuff, why are you blaming me? You brought a hell lot of this stuff yourself” she waved her hand at the boxes.</p><p>“I did not, I counted them and it was exactly 5, so you’ll have to tell me how the extra 15 magically got here” </p><p>“I didn’t bring them!” she said loudly and stood up, she took firm and quick footsteps out of the room again leaving Adam alone. He put an arm on his forehead and leaned back on the couch. He wasn’t really mad at her, the move had gotten them both stressed which resulted in getting angry easier. Adam gave her space though, knowing she would calm down quicker that way. </p><p>Barbara never came back to the living room and when Adam went to check on her she had fallen asleep on the bed. He looked at the time, it was still too early to fall asleep or she wouldn’t get any sleep tonight. He brushed a lock of her hair out of her face, she kind of stirred at it.</p><p>“Good morning” he said slowly to lure her out of sleep “it’s time to wake up honey”</p><p>She opened her eyes slowly “What time is it?”</p><p>“It’s 4pm”</p><p>She rolled over so her back was facing Adam.</p><p>“I’m sorry about what I said, these days have been a lot and I just want to sleep and maybe drink some tea”</p><p>“Don’t worry about it, I’m sorry too” he walked over to the other side of the bed and hunched down so that he could look at her eyes “And I know these days haven’t been… well the calmest days in a while but we’ll work through it together, better days will come” he kissed her forehead softly. </p><p>Barbara put her feet on the floor and stood up. </p><p>“I don’t think you need more sleep right now, but how about we make some tea?” </p><p>“That would be amazing” she said and they both walked out to the kitchen.</p><p>“I’m sure the water boiler is in one of these boxes”</p><p>***</p><p>It wasn’t until almost three months later that everything was unpacked and the apartment started to feel like a home. </p><p>“Look at all this space, I didn’t even knew we had it” Barbara said and turned 360 degrees on the open living room floor ”We could fit a second bed in here”</p><p>”I think you’re overestimating” Adam sat down in the armchair, he looked around the room himself “It turned out really nice though, feels homey” </p><p>“I have an idea” Barbara said. </p><p>“What?”</p><p>“We go out to eat tonight, to celebrate the unpacking” </p><p>Adam considered it.</p><p>“Please?” </p><p>Adam chuckled “Yeah ok, we’ll go out to eat” </p><p>“Thank you” Barbara walked up to the armchair “I love you honey” She gave him a kiss on the cheek and walked out “I’ll go take a shower” </p><p>They ended up walking around town in the cold November weather, hand in hand looking for a place to eat. </p><p>“What about there?” Adam pointed at a place that served Indian food. </p><p>“No…” </p><p>“Reason being?”</p><p>“Do you wanna eat there?” </p><p>“It’s fine by me” </p><p>“Well then I think we should continue looking” Adam looked confused at Barbara but decided not to go further with the conversation. </p><p>“Then you’ll have to decide where we’re gonna eat” he said instead. </p><p>In the end, Barbara choose an Italian restaurant, it wasn’t too crowded that sunday evening and they sat down at a table in the far back. </p><p>“I’m not excited to go to work tomorrow, I’ve heard the kids are starting to get sick, like fevers and stuff” Barbara said. They had ordered the food and was now casually waiting for it “I really don’t feel like getting sick right now”</p><p>“It was your decision to be a kindergarten teacher” Adam said. Barbara hadn’t worked at the Kindergarten for very long but she already adored it, she was quite motherly in her ways and had always loved children. </p><p>“Mm but you know I love it” she mumbled. </p><p>They got their food a few minutes later and ate in silence. When they were done they both agreed on how good the food had been, then they took their jackets, paid and left. Adam held his arm around Barbara’s shoulders as they walked back home while Barbara held her arm around his waist. The town was in silence, not more to be expected on a sunday night. As they got home they hung up their coats in the hall before moving into the livingroom. They both fell on the couch. </p><p>“Ahh I’m tired” Adam said.</p><p>“Me too” Barbara sighed. </p><p>“When do you have to be at work tomorrow?”</p><p>“7:45” </p><p>“Maybe it’s good if we go to bed now then”</p><p>Barbara looked at the time, it was 8:30pm and they decided that going to sleep was a good idea. </p><p>Getting ready for bed was like a ritual now, they had been together for 7 years and it wasn’t often they spent their nights apart. It started out with brushing their teeth, then Barbara would stay in the bathroom to do some kind of skincare thing Adam didn’t really understand while he himself went into the bedroom, switched to Pajamas and got into the bed. Barbara came in a few minutes later and also took on her Pajamas before laying down on the bed too. They always ended their days with a sweet goodnight and a kiss. </p><p>***</p><p>It was a sunny day in the middle of February, February 19th to be exact. It was cold but not too cold and inside a little apartment on the third floor of an apartment building, two people were standing in the kitchen making dinner. </p><p>“It looks delicious” Adam said and kissed Barbara on the cheek before returning to cutting up the vegetables. She had returned from work about an hour ago and had asked Adam to help her with the food because she was tired. So here they were. </p><p>“Thank you” she mumbled, her thoughts seemed to be somewhere else. </p><p>“Rough day?” </p><p>“Yeah a little, a lot of screaming”</p><p>“But just think of how nice it will be to sit down and eat some dinner now, and just calm down”</p><p>Barbara smirked at him “Mhm, it will”</p><p>Adam put out plates and moved the food from the stove to instead stand in the middle of the table. </p><p>“Time for food” </p><p>They sat down opposite to each other and started to eat, Barbara talking about her day at work and Adam listening intensely. After dinner Barbara insisted they’d go outside, she said it would help her calm down. </p><p>“Would that really help?” Adam questioned from the bed. </p><p>“Yeah, I think I need a bit of air”</p><p>That’s they ended up in the car, Barbara behind the steering wheel and driving to God knows where. Adam in the passenger seat took this time and closed his eyes in hope of getting a little rest. The sound of the car engine was soothing and the slight swaying motions made him tired. Suddenly though, both of them stopped and Adam’s eyes popped open. </p><p>“Did you fall asleep honey?” Barbara asked. </p><p>“I don’t know. Maybe? How long have we’ve been driving for?” </p><p>“15 minutes I’d say”</p><p>“Ah” Adam said before looking around at where they’d stopped, it was starting to get darker but he could still make out the building. It was their old High school. </p><p>“Why would yo-“</p><p>“Come with me” Barbara got out of the car and started walking away. </p><p>“Barbara? Where are you going?” Adam opened his door and looked out. </p><p>“Just come with me Adam” </p><p>He reluctantly got up and started following her. Barbara had told him not to ask any questions but as they approached 5 minutes of walking quietly he had to ask. </p><p>“How much longer?” And just as he said that, Barbara stopped in her tracks. </p><p>“We’re here” she said. They were standing in front of a bench, it took Adam a while to understand what bench it was. It was the bench where they first confessed their feelings. </p><p>“Oh Barbara” he looked between her and the bench a few times. </p><p>“Look at the back of it” </p><p>Adam walked over to the back of the bench and there, carved in the wooden bench, an A and a B, together in a heart. It was such a cliche to do this but at the same time Adam couldn’t help but find it a little cute. </p><p>“That is so sweet of you” he whispered and smiled “but did we really have to come all this way so late just for you to show me this?” </p><p>“Oh there’s more” Barbara said, her voice a bit shaky “I’m not sure I’m ready but I also don’t think I’ll ever be ready so here it goes”</p><p>“You were taking too long so I just figured I’d do it myself. Adam ever since I met you, you have always been the kindest and sweetest guy I’ve ever known. Whenever I was having trouble you were always there, you supported me and I will never forget the moments, the moment I fell in love, it was one time when we were walking down the hallway, you were talking about something, I don’t remember and this older boy walks into me and turns around yelling about how girls like me should be careful when walking around, and you know what you did? You yelled right back at him, you did it even if you knew it would get you into trouble. From that day onwards I loved you and it continued to grow as time passed, it’s still growing to this day and I wish to spend the rest of my life with you. Adam, you beautiful nerd, will you marry me?” She was down on one knee now holding back tears with a ring box in her hands. </p><p>“Barbara… of course I’ll marry you, I love you s-“ he stammered but was cut off by Barbara who stood up and kissed him on the lips. When she pulled away they were both crying and beaming at each other, she put the ring on his finger. They kissed again and again before Adam interrupted them. </p><p>“I think it would be good to get home huh?” He said “Before one of us catches a cold”</p><p>Barbara nodded at him and wiped her eyes with her coat sleeve. Barbara drove them back home and Adam kept his hand on her leg the whole way. They laid in bed that night, talking, talking about their life together, about what the wedding would be like, about how the future looked. </p><p>“I’m so happy it’s you” Adam said just as they had settled down for the night, tomorrow was another day of work. He cuddled up to Barbara and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Barbara then leaned forward and kissed him on the lips. </p><p>“And I couldn’t be happier it’s you either”</p><p>***</p><p>“What are you all smiley about?” Barbara’s coworker, Camille asked as she came into the staff room that morning to get coffee.</p><p>Barbara smirked.</p><p>“Oh you know, nothing special” she took a sip of her coffee “I just got engaged yesterday”</p><p>Camille’s mouth fell open.</p><p>“No way you did”</p><p>“Yeah I did” Barbara chuckled a bit.</p><p>“Wow ehm, congratulations” she half-smiled now. Barbara hadn’t really told anyone she was going to propose, she had only told her parents she was thinking about it. She had on the other hand told Adam’s mom two days ago, she had hugged Barbara with tears in her eyes and told her how happy she was for them. </p><p>Wow she really was engaged huh? To the best man on earth too for that matter. She was gonna get married. </p><p>“Where’s the ring?” Camille brought her out of her thoughts. </p><p>“What ring?”</p><p>“The engagement ring”</p><p>“Oh, I was the one who proposed” Barbara looked down at her hands. </p><p>“You’re the one who proposed?”</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“I’ve never really heard of that before” Camille took her own cup of coffee in her hands “I think we should get to work” she walked out of the room. </p><p>Barbara put her empty cup in the dishes and walked out too. Nothing was gonna get to ruin her day. </p><p>When she got home, her boyfriend, well now her fiancé, was sitting at the dinner table with some papers. He immediately got up when he saw her and walked over to stand in front of her. </p><p>“Good day at work?” Adam asked. </p><p>“It was fine” she answered slowly. Adam slipped his arms around her waist and pulled her in for a hug which she gladly accepted. </p><p>“I’ll make dinner tonight honey” he said and kissed her temple. </p><p>“Thank you” she said and released herself from the hug. She went into the living room and turned on the tv. Barbara looked through the channels before she found some kind of documentary about wildlife. Adam came in and sat beside her on the couch. </p><p>“I can tell you’re not feeling great, what happened today?”</p><p>Barbara took a deep breath before starting to talk. </p><p>“There was this kid who told me his parents were fighting all the time and he said they were gonna get divorced, and he cried, and it broke my heart. Then after lunch I got a headache and started feeling nauseous and it still hasn’t passed and all I wanna do is sleep it away” Adam took her in his arms and let her cry, all of her emotions from the day pouring out. </p><p>***</p><p>Planning a wedding wasn’t the easiest task they had taken on. There was a lot to be done, picking everything from the place, the clothes and the food. But it was finally over and the wedding was only a week away. It was the end of July and still warm enough outside to walk without a jacket. </p><p>Barbara and Adam were out on a walk in the sun. </p><p>“Doesn’t it feel weird? This is our last week like this” Adam said. </p><p>“Our last week unmarried you mean?”</p><p>“Yeah”</p><p>“I don’t think it feels weird, I’ve been waiting so long for it” Barbara said and squeezed Adam’s hand. </p><p>When they got to the park they found a spot on the grass where they put down the blanket they’d taken with them. They laid down on it and looked up at the blue sky above. </p><p>“If you’ve looked forward to it so much, what’s the first thing you want to do after we get married?”</p><p>“You know what I want to do” Barbara said and pinched Adam’s arm softly. He blushed slightly. </p><p>“Yeah but other than that” </p><p>“I’m mostly just looking forward to being able to spend the rest of my life with you honey, I love you so much” she rolled over and leaned into Adam’s side and Adam put his arm around her. </p><p>“Did you just realize that?” Adam teased. </p><p>Barbara giggled and Adam kissed her head. They enjoyed each other’s company there on the blanket until it was starting to reach lunchtime when they walked home. </p><p>The wedding had been a sweet and small occasion but most likely something they would see as the highlight of their relationship for as long as they were alive. There was just so much love in the air. The weather had been sunny and warm, yet with a breeze every now and then to cool everyone down. The day had been wonderful and to end on a high note they had booked an hotel room for the night, close to where they had had their wedding. As soon as they closed the door, they started making out against the wall, their stuff was already there.</p><p>“Alone at last” Adam smiled.</p><p>“You don’t understand how long I’ve been looking forward to this” Barbara said and went right back to kissing him. </p><p>They fell down on the bed in the middle of the room and started removing each other’s clothes until they were only wearing underwear.</p><p>“You’re so damn beautiful” Adam gasped and kissed her neck and collarbone. Barbara closed her eyes and a small moan escaped her lips. She started removing her bra.</p><p>“It’s getting kind of hot in here don’t you think?” Barbara said as she played with the waistband of Adam’s underwear. Adam quickly undressed and was now completely naked. Barbara took off her own underwear too, now there was nothing in between them. They kissed and kissed again. </p><p>“I want you” Barbara whispered in his ear, Adam groaned into her ear before starting to prepare himself.</p><p>The intimate moment felt as if it lasted forever, but was actually just a couple of minutes, it felt as though time stopped when they were so close to one another and Barbara just loved the feeling over anything in the world, well maybe except for Adam. </p><p>“How did it feel?” Adam asked when they were basking in the afterglow, he was massaging Barbara’s naked back with his fingers.</p><p>“Better than I thought it would be”</p><p>“So married sex for the win?”</p><p>She giggled at that.</p><p>“Yeah, married sex for the win” she turned around to face Adam and he was forced to retrieve his hand to his side.</p><p>“What did you think of it?”</p><p>“Yeah same here, it almost felt like the first time all over again”</p><p>“But hopefully less awkward than our first time” Barbara chuckled.</p><p>“You found that awkward?”</p><p>“Adam, my parents were literally sleeping just below us, what were we thinking?”</p><p>“We probably didn’t think at all if I’m gonna be honest” </p><p>Barbara nodded with a laugh and then scooted forward to embrace Adam. They sat there for a while in each other’s arms, Barbara’s face nuzzled in Adam’s neck.</p><p>”I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you”</p><p>***</p><p>They had settled on going to Nice in France for their honeymoon, booking a hotel with a balcony facing the light blue water of the Mediterranean ocean. </p><p>“This is beautiful” Adam said, looking out over the blue water, they had gotten here last night, slept and were now starting the new day. Barbara came up behind him and put her arms around his waist. </p><p>“You smell that? That’s the smell of a whole week all alone, doing whatever we please, just to relax” She said and kissed the back of Adam’s neck. </p><p>They were out exploring the city throughout the first half of the day before they had lunch at a local restaurant. They then started walking back to the hotel with the intention of just chilling out for a while before heading out again a while later. Barbara fell on her back on top of the bed as soon as they got inside.</p><p>“I think I’m in love with this place”</p><p>Adam came and sat down next to her and Barbara dragged him down so they were lying shoulder to shoulder looking up at the ceiling. He closed his eyes to enjoy the quiet, only the slight sounds of cars down on the street and their own breathing could be heard. Suddenly Adam felt a weight upon his body which forced him to open his eyes. </p><p>“Hi” Barbara was only an inch away from his face, staring longingly at him “I love you” she leaned down and kissed him with a smile on her face. </p><p>“Love you too, so much” Adam answered when she’d pulled back and was back to just looking at him, he put his arms around her waist and started stroking her back. Barbara put her head down on his shoulder now which gave Adam an opportunity to play with her hair. It was starting to get a little dirty but it was still just as silky soft as always. After a while he noticed Barbara had fallen asleep, he looked at the time, 4:45pm, she could sleep for a bit before they went out. </p><p>Barbara was awoken by Adam gently whispering into her ear. </p><p>“Good morning honey, it’s time to get ready to leave” </p><p>“Oh, did I fall asleep? I’m so sorry” she rubbed her eyes and sat upon the bed “I’m still tired from yesterday”</p><p>“It’s ok, you wanna get ready before we head out?” </p><p>“Yeah” she stood up from the bed and stretched her arms. </p><p>After a quick change of clothes and some brushing of her hair, which had gotten a bit messed up during her rest, she was ready. It was a bit over 6pm when they reached their destination, the beach. The plan was to take a walk, doing some people watching and well, be together really, that was one of the main points of the trip overall. They hadn’t exactly made a list of things they wanted to do but “Being with each other” and “Relax” were definitely important elements. They had also agreed they wanted to start trying for a baby, they had longed for children for a while but hadn’t exactly felt ready until now. </p><p>Once they got back to their hotel room after about 1,5 hours of walking Adam decided that they should take a bath because “We don’t have a bathtub at home, this is a luxury”. </p><p>Barbara couldn’t regret taking the bath, Adam was sitting behind her, massaging her back gently. The water was warm but not too warm, just the right temperature to make it pleasurable. They had brought along their own soap, shampoo and conditioner and helped each other to wash their hair. Adam was absolutely obsessed with Barbara’s hair and Barbara was obsessed with Adam touching her hair so it was a win-win. They sat there for some time, relaxing against the other’s body before the water started getting cold. They got out and both put on the bathrobes the hotel had supplied them with. </p><p>“Thank you for the bath honey, it was amazing” Barbara said. </p><p>“Thank you too” Adam came up to her, they were now standing by the sink. He kissed her on the lips, which eventually turned into making out with Adam pressed against the wall, however that happened, neither of them knew. </p><p>”We need to” Barbara started but was cut off by another kiss from Adam who hadn’t realized she’d started talking, she took a step back to get his attention. </p><p>“Sorry but we need to brush our teeth, it’s getting late”</p><p>Adam walked by her to check his watch he’d taken off before the bath and laid on the pile of his clothes by the sink. </p><p>“Ok” he smiled and kissed Barbara one more time before reaching for their toothbrushes and toothpaste. He put toothpaste on both of them and gave one to Barbara. </p><p>“Thank yooou” she said and started brushing her teeth. Adam did too and they stood in front of the mirror looking at their reflections. Barbara spat out her toothpaste and turned to Adam who spat his out too. </p><p>“Honey” Barbara smiled at him “We’re married”</p><p>Adam gave her a chuckle at that. </p><p>“Newsflash”</p><p>Barbara took his hand and lead him out into the other room where she sat down on the bed, Adam who wasn’t sure what she was doing, sat down next to her.</p><p>“It just hits me sometimes how lucky I am to have you in my life, I know a bunch of people who are lonely right now, I couldn’t imagine being without you, you know, not because I feel dependent on you or anything, but because you’re one of my closest friends and I think we know each other inside and out” Barbara said.</p><p>Adam put his arms around Barbara and pulled her close in a hug, grinning and kissing her head. </p><p>***</p><p>The week went by quickly and it was soon time to fly back home. </p><p>“Goodbye hotel room” Barbara waved as they opened the door which led out to the hallway. </p><p>“Bye” Adam said as well and grabbed Barbara’s free hand she’d used to wave with. The door slid closed and they started walking towards the elevators, hand in hand with their suitcases rolling behind them. Not another word was exchanged between them while they took the elevator with some other tourists who spoke a language they didn’t understand. While they took the bus to the airport, Barbara’s head on Adam’s shoulder. They checked in their bags and got through security without any problems and once inside, they decided to blow the last cash they had on something to snack on before catching their flight. </p><p>“I want chocolate” Barbara said, eyeing a bag of chocolates standing on a shelf. Adam came up behind her and looked at the same bag, it said something in French. He picked it up and put it in the small basket he carried around, it already contained two bottles of (overpriced) water and a different bag of gummy candies. </p><p>“Then let’s get chocolate” Adam said and kissed her cheek. Once finished, they headed off to the cash register to pay. The person behind the desk was a polite man in his early 20s who spoke pretty good English. </p><p>“Where are you guys going?” He asked while scanning the goods. </p><p>“We’re heading home, to the US” Adam said. </p><p>“America, that’s far from here” He started collecting the cash and counted and when he was done he gave them the receipt “Well have a good flight then, thank you” </p><p>“Thank you bye” they said together. When they were out of the store and on their way to their gate Barbara spoke. </p><p>“That guy was nice, I like him” </p><p>“Me too, I think he’ll grow up and do something big” Adam said. The plane was due to leave in a little less than one hour when they got to the gate, so they found two seats and sat down, Adam picked out a book he’d been reading for the whole vacation and was about halfway through in. Barbara had brought a book of sudoku and occupied herself solving them. </p><p>The flight in itself was pretty smooth, unfortunately they were flying in the middle of day and sleeping wasn’t really an option. The flying took about 9 hours before they landed in New York, where they were staying the night before driving home the next morning. </p><p>The comfort of their own home was something they’d both missed, France was nice for sure but nothing could ever be better than their own bed, their own kitchen, sofa, so many memories in the walls. It was Sunday and tomorrow their vacation was over and it was back to work, this lead to the decision of spending the day inside their apartment and make the best of the last day of freedom. Adam busied himself looking at a bunch of pictures they’d taken, of tourist attractions, the views, the food and of course each other. He smiled sweetly at one picture of him and Barbara on the beach at sunset, the light painting them with yellow and orange. The next picture was identical except this time they were kissing. </p><p>“Barb, come and look at this picture” Adam called to Barbara who was sitting on the sofa, looking through the mail they’d gotten the past week. She looked up when she heard her name, once she noticed what Adam was looking at she came over. </p><p>“Ohhh look at us being all pretty and cute” </p><p>“I think we should get these printed professionally somewhere, so we can frame them” </p><p>“Or we can make a photo album” </p><p>“I like that idea” Adam said and turned his face to kiss Barbara’s cheek before she stood back up and walked back to the couch. </p><p>In the end Adam had picked out a lot of pictures he would like to put in a photo album. </p><p>“Barb, honey, do you want to look through the ones I choose?” He asked and without an answer Barbara came over and sat down in Adam’s lap. She scrolled through the pictures on the computer. He’d added some from their wedding too.</p><p>“It looks good, I think they capture it really nicely” she turned her head and smiled her biggest smile at him “Such a nice way to remember it, and we can show it to our kids at some point” she cuddled up in his lap, put her arms around his shoulders and her head in the crook of his neck. It wasn’t the most comfortable position, at least not for Adam, so he stood up from the chair and walked over to the sofa where he sat down and threw a blanket over both of them. He turned on the Tv and they sat there, curled up together under the blanket, lazily watching Tv until it was dinner. </p><p>***</p><p>“What does it say?”</p><p>“Let me look at the instructions” Barbara took the little box from where it was laying on the floor and took out the paper inside.</p><p>“Ok, that means… oh, it’s negative” she looked at Adam with the pregnancy test in her hand, her face a mix of disappointment and sadness. Adam took her in his arms.  </p><p>“It’s fine honey, we have plenty of time to try again” he started rocking himself and Barbara to try and comfort her. And it was true, really, maybe it didn’t work out the first time, well they’d both been taught never to give up, they would figure it out together sooner or later. </p><p>They were in the middle of a moving process which really didn’t help either of theirs mood, almost everything had been packed and they were ready to drive it all to their stuff to the new house in 5 days. The house was in need of some “make-up”, but Adam and Barbara mostly saw it as a way to truly make it theirs. It was located about a 2 hours drive from the city in a small place called Winter River, it turned out Barbara had family there too, some cousin or something apparently. It’s what they’d wanted all along, a quiet place where they could really settle down for real. </p><p>On moving day, they packed all the stuff their car carried (which wasn’t much at all), the rest went in a moving van they’d rented, driven by Barbara’s parents, they were getting older but had still insisted to help them with the move. The drive was mostly silent, they put some music on and Barbara, who was behind the steering wheel, would hum along to some of the songs. They had done this drive before, like when they’d looked at the house for the first time and decided they wanted to move there, and remembered the way pretty well. </p><p>“Almost there…” Adam said as the car drove off the highway onto a smaller road leading to their destination. The white wooden house stood on top of a hill looking out over the rest of the landscape filled with houses and small gardens. The day was a pretty warm one for being at the end of november and children were out playing in the street. The car slowed down and drove by peacefully and the kids waved happily after it. They stopped in the driveway.</p><p>“And we’re here” </p><p>Soon after the moving van and Barbara’s parents arrived too. All four of them started carrying the contents of the moving van inside, putting a lot of the stuff directly in the first room.</p><p>“Just this room is bigger than our kitchen” Barbara said under her breath and looked up towards the ceiling. </p><p>“Our old kitchen” Adam came up next to her and put his arm around her waist, she leaned into him and smiled “Come on, let’s get the last things inside” he said and released her, walking towards the front door. She followed him. </p><p>That evening, once everything was inside and they’d gotten food, they sat around the table in the going-to-be dining room and ate together. </p><p>“This house is really beautiful” Barbara’s dad said “Very spacious too, do you know what you’re gonna do with all the rooms yet?”</p><p>Barbara looked over at Adam for support, he swallowed the food he’d been chewing. </p><p>“Well, not really, we still have some space left but I think we’ll figure it out soon enough” </p><p>Barbara’s dad nodded and smiled a smile that didn’t feel too genuine and they continued eating in silence. </p><p>When everyone was done, Adam and Barbara thanked Barbara’s parents for coming and helping and they got in the car and drove away. They stood on the porch for some time, looking out at the sun that was starting to set. </p><p>“Come on, let’s go inside” Barbara tucked at Adam’s sleeve. They walked upstairs into the bedroom where their bed had been lifted up and put right beneath a window, not much else besides the bedside tables. Barbara sat down on the left side of the bed, it was the same one they’d had ever since they moved in together and it wasn’t very big at all, but it didn’t really matter since they slept all cuddled up most nights anyway. </p><p>“I don’t think my dad likes us moving” She said, Adam sat down next to her, legs and shoulders touching, putting a hand on her leg.</p><p>“I can agree he did seem a bit uneasy”</p><p>“When I told him about the move, the first time over the phone, he didn’t really sound… happy” Barbara sighed “And I’m fine with him not supporting our choice, even if it hurts, it would hurt less than him just pretending it’s nothing, I don’t want him to lie to us” </p><p>Adam squeezed her leg and they shared a moment of quiet together. </p><p>“I’m gonna need to talk to him” she put her head on Adam’s shoulder and he kissed her hair.</p><p>“When?”</p><p>“Another day, I want to focus on this now” she around motioned the room at the moving boxes “We still have a few hours until we should go to bed, we should start unpacking” </p><p>***</p><p>It was on a day a month later, in December, that Adam woke up to a cold empty bed. Confused he sat up, Barbara rarely got up before him, especially on weekends. He picked up his glasses from the bedside table and put them on, looking around the room for any abnormality. He lifted the duvet and pillows but found nothing and concluded to go downstairs. Not a sound could be heard from the first floor as he made his way down the stairs. </p><p>”Barb?” he called ”Honey, are you here?” </p><p>Nothing. </p><p>He went into the kitchen, first thought being that maybe she was making breakfast. Barbara was nowhere to be seen but on the table laid a note written in Barbara’s beautiful handwriting. He took it up to read.</p><p>Good morning, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you yesterday but I’ve taken the car to go visit my parents. I can tell you more when I come back, I’m aiming at 4-5pm but hopefully earlier. Love you and see you later<br/>
/Barb ♡</p><p>Adam looked at the piece of paper and then up at the clock they had in their kitchen, it was only 9 in the morning. 7 hours alone. He wasn’t mad at her for leaving, knowing she wouldn’t drive the 2 hours without any good reason. Still, it left him with a feeling of annoyance, it was almost Christmas and he really wanted everything in the living room, at least, unpacked by then. </p><p>“Well, I better make breakfast then” </p><p>During the day he managed to go to the grocery store, unpack a box filled with random decorations and paintings Barbara had made, he made himself lunch consisting of pasta with tomato sauce. It was 5:20 when he could hear a car park in the driveway, he quickly got up from the armchair he was sitting in and ran over to the window. There she was, getting out of the car, locking it and heading for the door. Adam himself went over to the door to meet her too. She didn’t say anything, just threw her arms around him in a tight hug. </p><p>“I’ve missed you so much, I’m sorry it took so long” He could hear how tired she sounded and decided he could take the argument about leaving without telling him another day. </p><p>“It’s ok, I’ve missed you too” he said in a soothing voice “What were you doing with your parents?” </p><p>“I felt I needed to get an explanation why they’ve been so distant ever since we moved, I didn’t want us to be on bad terms when it’s Christmas”</p><p>Barbara proceeded to tell him about her day as they moved into the livingroom and curled up on the couch. Adam gave her small kisses on the head every now and then. Once done with her story, they both fell quiet. </p><p>“I’m hungry, do we have anything to eat?” Barbara broke the silence. </p><p>Adam stood up from the couch “I can make dinner if you want, I had an early lunch today” </p><p>Barbara nodded and smiled “That would be very nice” </p><p>Adam walked to the kitchen and left his wife alone while he prepared the food. Since he had gone grocery shopping they had enough to make a salad, which was a quick and easy meal. </p><p>“Honey, food is ready”</p><p>“Coming” </p><p>They sat down at the table, salad in the middle and then on either side. Barbara tangled their legs together under the table while they ate. </p><p>They put the dishes in the sink, deciding to clean them tomorrow, instead moving back into the livingroom, lighting a fire and laying down on the couch again watching the red flames and listening to the crackling sound it made. It all felt so at home, everything as it should be. Barbara put a blanket on both of them and they were soon sound asleep. </p><p>***</p><p>She woke up at the sound of someone walking down the hallway, clearly trying to be as quiet as possible. The morning light streamed into the room and birds were chirping outside. Their bedroom window was slightly open, letting in the lukewarm march air. </p><p>The doors hinges made a squeaking sound as somebody opened it. Barbara turned around to look at who was coming in. </p><p>“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you” Adam came in with a tray, singing softly. He walked up to the bed and put the tray on the bedside table and sat himself down on the bed next to the half-awake Barbara. </p><p>“What time is it?” She asked. </p><p>Adam laughed sweetly “It’s 9”</p><p>Barbara stretched her arms above her head “And it’s my birthday” she yawned.</p><p>“Correct” he leaned down and kissed her cheek “You’re getting old”</p><p>She hit Adam playfully and he leaned over to grab the tray with their breakfast on it. Two sandwiches, two cups of coffees and a small chocolate muffin with a candle in it. He held it in his hands. </p><p>“Blow out the candle” She blew it out and Adam put the tray down on the bed, balancing it as well as he could to not disturb the steaming cups. Barbara’s birthday had luckily fallen on a weekend this year while Adam’s in September was gonna be on a Wednesday meaning they both had work, so Adam had insisted that they would celebrate this day to the fullest. They had invited both Barbara’s parents and Adam’s mom who hadn’t seen the house even if they’d lived there for five months. </p><p>“We need to get ready honey” Barbara said, they’d finished the breakfast and had laid on the bed, embracing each other, Adam’s nose in her hair and her face in his neck. He groaned but got up anyway, he was wearing his t-shirt and underwear and Barbara was wearing a light pink nightgown she’d gotten for Christmas. In the course of 45 minutes they were wearing their best clothes, hair fixed and ready for the guests. They arrived 15 minutes apart, Adam’s mom being the first.  </p><p>“Wow, this place is beautiful she commented walking up the driveway. She gave both of them a hug each “I’ve missed you so much”</p><p>They used the time they had before Barbara’s parents would arrive to show her the house. </p><p>“This is the livingroom, and this is the dining room. This is the kitchen” she followed her son and his wife around their home with interest. They showed her the second floor, which included the master bedroom, a guest bedroom and an office/library place.</p><p>“We’re still planning on switching out the wallpaper and paint some things” Adam told her ”but other than that, this is our house” he put his arm around Barbara and she smiled her widest smile. They then sat down in the dining room downstairs and soon after, Barbara’s parents arrived too. The plan was to have a nice lunch together. Their parents had met many times before and they got along fine, but maybe not as fine as Adam and Barbara had hoped. Anyhow, the lunch was a great occasion, all being polite to each other and having a good time. When they’d finished the food and moved on to dessert, which was a cake Barbara had been baking the day before, Adam’s mom stood up and started to speak. </p><p>“We wanted to give you something, all three of us, so we gathered together to get you this” she took out a little card from her pocket and gave it over to Barbara. She looked at it, it was a gift voucher for a spa weekend at a place not too far from their home. </p><p>“We know it’s probably one of the most “boring adult things” to give away but we just thought that the past months have been a lot and you deserved some time off” </p><p>Barbara didn’t say anything, she just stood up and hugged all three of them individually, whispering small thank yous in their ears. Adam smiled at his wife’s happiness before she came and sat down next to him again.</p><p>After they’d thanked them for coming and their guest had left, Adam pulled Barbara close so her back was pressed against his chest. </p><p>“Come with me honey” she went willingly when he took her hand and lead her into the house, closing the door and locking it. He walked into the living room with her in tow.</p><p>“Now sit down and I will be right back” he ran up the stairs and Barbara could hear him rummaging around in their closet before a quiet “Ah ha”. She heard him closing the closet door and then the sound of the stairs as he came running back down. </p><p>“Here you go, happy birthday honey” He held out a medium-sized box, wrapped with a light blue wrapping paper. She took it from him and started unwrapping it carefully. </p><p>“Oh this is wonderful” in the box laid a bunch of different garden supplies. Adam sat down behind her on the couch. </p><p>“I know you talked about wanting to do gardening once we moved” Adam whispered into her neck before starting to kiss it. </p><p>“Thank you so much honey” she said softly and Adam continued kissing her neck. </p><p>“Mmm you’re welcome” he said in between the kisses and brought his hand up to Barbara’s where she was holding the box, taking it from her and putting it down on the floor. Barbara got the hint and turned herself around so she was now facing Adam who was sitting with his whole body very close to hers. </p><p>“Ever told you what a soft neck you have?” He asked. </p><p>“Adam Maitland, was that supposed to be romantic?” Barbara asked with a raise of her eyebrows. </p><p>“Well Barbara Maitland” he dragged out his words “I’m probably the most romantic guy you’ve ever met and I love your neck so” he went back to pressing the kisses to her neck again. Barbara closed her eyes and tilted her head to give Adam more space to kiss. Suddenly she felt a kiss on her mouth and a new weight on her body which made her open her eyes. Adam had kind of climbed upon her to get himself closer. Barbara kissed him back and they were soon making out, bodies close together and both feeling the arousal. Some buttons had been unbuttoned in the process and Barbara’s pastel yellow blouse was almost off, exposing her chest which Adam already had kissed and worshiped too, telling her how beautiful it was. He unbuttoned the remaining buttons on his own shirt and took it off. Unfortunately (well in his opinion) he was wearing a white t-shirt underneath. He was just about to take Barbara’s blouse off when he realized. </p><p>“Do you want me too? I mean are you ok with this?” </p><p>“Yeah honey, it’s completely fine” she panted “I really want to”</p><p>He took it off her and then took off his own t-shirt, Barbara removed her bra as well. With both of their chests now bare, Adam started placing kisses all over her, shoulders, waist, breast. Barbara in turn put her arms around his neck pulling him as close as she could and kissed wherever she reached, she started moving her hips in an attempt to wriggle her pants off which failed and only pulled them down enough to expose the waistband of her underwear. </p><p>Annoyed, she groaned slightly.</p><p>“What’s the matter honey?” Adam paused.</p><p>“I want these off” she moved her hips again to signal her pants “But you’re kind of in the way”</p><p>“Oh I’m sorry” he smiled at her and in a swift move pulled off her pants and throwing them down beside the couch “Better?”</p><p>Barbara nodded with a grin, a grin that Adam was soon kissing and eventually making out with. Again. Adam got off his own pair of pants soon too to remove some of the tension that was building up. It had been a few minutes in that position before Barbara spoke, quietly yet determined.</p><p>“Need you now” </p><p>And those words made Adam take off both their underwear, now being completely bare, body to body. They didn’t use any protection as they were wishing for a pregnancy and both knew they were healthy. It had felt kind of weird the first time they’d done it, like they’d forgotten something but it was still just as pleasurable. They hadn’t really let the fail of conceiving ruin them yet, Adam constantly saying they would make it work while Barbara laid awake late at night, wondering what she was doing wrong, but of course Adam didn’t know. The rest of the time they tried focusing on what made them happy, it was a silent agreement between them that they’d agreed almost as soon as they got together, they would face the hard times hand in hand, catching every beam of sunshine that shone through the dark clouds.</p><p>Today was a good day, nothing could ruin her birthday when she got to spend it with Adam, especially this way, on the couch inside each other both mentally and physically. Making all those noises, moaning each other's names and without a care for anything in the world. This wasn’t necessarily trying for a baby, even if they didn’t use protection. It was a moment of them, Adam and Barbara, being with each other as close as they could get. And this feeling could only be accomplished on these good days.</p><p>“Mmmm ‘m close” Barbara mumbled, her eyes closed to comprehend the overwhelming feelings. </p><p>“Me too” Adam said a bit rougher, concentrated on the task at hand. He wanted to make sure this was extra special for Barbara and that she felt fulfilled when they were done. They came at almost the same time only a few seconds parting them. They laid still for a while, catching their breaths before separating and Adam brushed out some locks of Barbara’s hair that had fallen into her face. Her eyes were closed but Adam knew they had to get up from the couch or it would suck waking up later.</p><p>“Barb, we need to get up, come on it won’t be for too long”</p><p>“I’m tired” she started “but I guess we have to, don’t we?” One of her eyes cracked open and she looked up at Adam who winked back at her.</p><p>After a good shower and some brushing of teeth they were finally climbing into bed together.</p><p>“Thank you for the amazing day” Barbara said half asleep.</p><p>“You’re so welcome my love” Adam kissed her head and said good night. It may only be 6 but they were both tired so it didn’t matter “Happy birthday”</p><p>***</p><p>Months passed and nothing happened. It was getting frustrating.</p><p>Barbara was lying on their bed staring at the ceiling, it was a night in early october. It had been over a year since they’d started trying, they’d both been so excited to expand their family which is probably why it hit so hard every time nothing happened. And she felt it was her fault. She felt her eyes starting to sting as tears formed in their corners, nothing new, but some nights were harder than others. She wiped the tears away as they rolled down her face, sobbing quietly to not wake up her husband. It was the first time in a while she’d cried alone at night, it used to happen more often a few months back but not this bad. Adam stirred a bit in his sleep and seemed to be reaching out for Barbara on the other side of the bed. She smiled through her tears and scooted over to his right side. He put his arms unconsciously around her and she snuggled into him. </p><p>Adam didn’t deserve this, she thought to herself, he deserves so much more, he deserves someone who can give him what she can’t. It started flooding her mind and she could feel her breathing speeding up, same with her heartbeat. The tears started again and heavier this time. </p><p>“Adam is gonna wake up” she thought sitting up and  trying to suppress her cries which only made her start to hyperventilate, Adam seemed to be awakened by her new breathing pattern. </p><p>“Honey?” He said confused, sleepiness in his voice. Barbara let out a sob when she heard him say that. Adam was only getting more and more conscious with every second passing. </p><p>“Barbara? What’s the matter?” He looked her up and down “you haven’t hurt anything have you?” He sounded worried and sat up next to his wife and put his arms around her. Barbara broke fully at that, tears painting her face in wet streaks. </p><p>“Barbara… what’s going on?” he pulled her into his embrace and kissed her shoulder where her nightgown wasn’t covering her skin. </p><p>“I-I’m sorry” she choked out. </p><p>Adam only tightened his embrace “Sorry? Honey you don’t have anything to be sorry for” </p><p>”It’s my- fault we can’t-“ She stopped, staring blankly in front of her, seeming to be holding her breath. </p><p>“That we can’t?” Adam said in a questioning tone. </p><p>“Children…” she could only speak that one word, letting out her breath and starting to cry again. Adam was confused at first but soon realized what she meant. </p><p>“Oh no… come here” he now pulled her up so she was sitting in his lap “It’s not your fault” </p><p>“What’s wrong with me Adam?” She asked, her chin on his shoulder. Adam was stroking her back. It hurt him to hear his love speak of herself like that. </p><p>“Nothing is wrong with you Barb” </p><p>“You don’t know that” she took a deep breath “It could be because of me that it isn’t working, I’m not able to give us a child” </p><p>“You don’t know that, it could very well be my fault too” Adam forced her to look at him in the eyes “We don’t know why this is happening but we can’t start blaming it on ourselves, ok?” He was getting teary-eyed now too and a few more tears fell down Barbara’s face. </p><p>“It’s been over a year…” </p><p>”Barbara, what do you think about meeting a doctor? So we can get this figured out” Adam’s eyes were glossy with tears now as he stared into his wife’s brown ones. She nodded at him slowly. </p><p>“Ok?” He asked. </p><p>“Ok” </p><p>Adam brought up his hand and wiped the tears off her face, then leaned forward to kiss her on the lips “We need some sleep now”</p><p>He laid them both down carefully, Barbara still tightly in his arms. </p><p>“Good night” she sniffed out quietly and Adam smiled sadly to himself. </p><p>***</p><p>They got scheduled for an appointment two months later. The waiting room was awfully empty, only one other person was there, a woman in her early 20s who was on her phone. Adam and Barbara sat together on one of the uncomfortable sofas, they’d gotten there 10 minutes ago and hadn’t really talked since, not wanting to disturb the quietness of the room. Barbara had never liked hospitals, the over freshness and white walls made her feel uneasy. She started fidgeting with her hands, Adam noticed and took her hand in his. She looked at their now joint hands first and then up at Adam who smiled at her.</p><p>“It will be fine” Adam assured her. She nodded and gave him a small smile back before turning her head to look at the wall opposite to them. </p><p>They were called in soon enough, the doctor was a short middle-aged woman with dark shoulder-length hair. She sat down at the chair by her desk and introduced herself, Adam and Barbara on the two other chairs across from her did the same. The woman looked on her computer, at them and then back at her screen.</p><p>“So, we’re here because you’re wanting to test for infertility so we’re going to start with a blood test, then you’ll get to fill in some papers” as she spoke she started to reach for some syringes “Is that ok?”</p><p>They both nodded.</p><p>The blood tests were taken relatively easy and quick, after they’d put band-aids on they got handed some papers. </p><p>“I can leave while you fill these in if you would feel more comfortable that way?” the doctor said. </p><p>Adam looked over at Barbara, she smiled slightly and Adam knew what it meant. </p><p>“Yes please, thank you” </p><p>They were left alone and Adam picked up the pen in his hand, together they looked at the first question “How long have you been experiencing difficulty conceiving?” Adam read out in a whisper, his glasses down on his nose. </p><p>“I would say since August last year? So…” she thought to herself for a moment “16 months, wow I didn’t realize it’d been that long” Adam wrote down ’16 months’ on the line under the question. The rest of the questions were things like ‘How regularly do you engage in unprotected intercourse?’, ‘Has anyone in your family had difficulties conceiving?’ and ‘Do you or have you had any STDs?’.</p><p>Once the papers were filled out their doctor came back inside.</p><p>“Could you answer all the questions?” she asked.</p><p>“Yes” Adam and Barbara said together.</p><p>“Ok, so that’s it for today, you will get these at-home tests with you and also these papers that will tell you about the steps we’ll take from here on out and you can call and book an appointment once you’ve read through them”</p><p>They left in silence, walking next to each other down the hallway and out to the parking lot where the car stood parked. Once in the car and on the way back home Barbara said her first words since the appointment. </p><p>“What do you wanna do when we get home?” Her voice sounded far away, as if her head was elsewhere. </p><p>“I don’t know, have lunch maybe? Did you think of anything?” </p><p>“I need to do something to clear my mind” </p><p>Clearing her mind ended up being cleaning out the dresser in their bedroom while Adam was making food in the kitchen. Looking through every drawer carefully, taking her time examining all things she picked up, everything from photos of them as kids to souvenirs from their travels. </p><p>While in the third drawer she found something she thought they’d lost a long time ago. She turned the card over in her hands and looked at the back, it didn’t expire until March. With the bent card in a tight grip she walked out of the room and down the stairs. She was headed for the kitchen. </p><p>Adam was sitting at the table looking through the mail while something was boiling on the stove. He turned his head when he heard the footsteps as Barbara walked into the room.</p><p>“Hey” he said quietly, a small smile on his face “food isn’t done yet but it should be in…” he looked at his wristwatch “10 minutes, how did your cleaning go?”.</p><p>“Ehm fine, but I came down to show you this” she held up the card and Adam stood up from his chair, coming over to stand by Barbara’s side to look at the card.</p><p>“What is it?”</p><p>“Remember my birthday? I got this from our parents, it’s a gift voucher for a spa weekend and it doesn’t expire until March...” Barbara went slowly with her words, not wanting to disturb the stillness that laid heavily in the room “And I was thinking, we’ve been so caught up in everything else, wouldn’t you love to get away, just for one weekend?” She whispered the last part. </p><p>Adam’s face softened and a small smile made its way onto his face. </p><p>“That sounds wonderful” he put an arm around her waist and she leaned into it “we can book it after lunch if you want”.</p><p>***</p><p>The ingredients were scattered all over the kitchen island. Barbara had just put in the last bunch of cinnamon rolls into the oven.</p><p>“And so it’s done” she said to Adam who was standing next to her and looking at the already finished ones cooling down on the counter “Did you set the timer honey?”</p><p>“Yeah” Adam said. They had decided that they would try out some new things in their spare time, to do something without the continuing weight on their shoulders about their ‘complications’, about that, they had gotten a time for a new appointment but it wasn’t until february. But today they were trying out baking together, and it turned out Barbara was a natural. </p><p>“Can you make some coffee?” she asked and sat down on one of the chairs. </p><p>Adam walked over to the coffee maker and turned it on. He then walked over to the table with a smirk on his face. </p><p>“What are you grinning about?” Barbara tried to sound serious but a smile was obviously very close to blow her cover. </p><p>He didn’t say anything, just came closer and closer. Suddenly the room was filled with a flour falling down on everything. </p><p>“Look, it’s snow” </p><p>Barbara used her hand to remove the flour that had stuck to her face, then she broke out in a smile. </p><p>“You little-“ she started but was cut off by Adam who put his warm lips on hers. They softly moved against each other until Barbara had gotten too much flour in her mouth and had to break the kiss to cough. </p><p>“No more flour when kissing” she coughed out. </p><p>“Of course not” he was still grinning. </p><p>“What’s up with you today anyway?” She asked.</p><p>“Nothing, I’m just… having such a good day” he said “it feels like we haven’t had one in a while, with work and we’re always so tired. This feels like when we were young and didn’t have these problems hanging over our heads all the time”</p><p>Barbara took his hand up in hers and put their joint ones over her heart “I know exactly what you mean. I miss it, but in another few years I will probably miss this too. Let’s cherish now and live as much in the moment as we can”</p><p>“How are you so smart with your words?” Adam looked at her lovingly. </p><p>“Well I learned it from the best didn’t I?” </p><p>Adam laughed “Who? Your parents?”</p><p>Barbara laughed too before pulling him into a tight hug “You know who I mean”</p><p>“Yeah I do”</p><p>The moment could have lasted forever if it wasn’t for the timer going off telling them that the cinnamon buns where done in the oven. Adam reluctantly pulled out of the embrace with an overdramatic eye roll, he kissed Barbara’s cheek quickly before heading over to the oven to take out the finished pastries. </p><p>“They smell so good” came a comment from the woman at the table.</p><p>Adam took the finished coffee and cinnamon buns over to the table.</p><p>“Let’s hope they taste just as good” </p><p>And they did. </p><p>***</p><p>It was a snowy day. The white blanket was slowly settling over the usually green hills. The children were outside, playing, making snowmen and having snowball fights. </p><p>Barbara observed them as they drove by on their way out of the town, Adam noticed and put a supporting hand on her leg. And she knew what that meant. </p><p>“Don’t think about that now, we’re gonna relax for a few days and it will be amazing” he said. </p><p>She looked over at him, his eyes were on the road. She put her own there too. </p><p>They’d booked the spa trip a few weeks ago not knowing it would snow just that weekend, hopefully the roads weren’t too bad. </p><p>The ride out to the big road was a bit bumpy and slippery but nothing to worry too much about.</p><p>“I’ll turn on some music if that’s ok?” Barbara reached out to turn on the stereo. </p><p>“It’s ok” </p><p>The music came softly from the speakers, they used to listen to music all the time when they’d first gotten the car. It had lessened recently though. They didn’t take the car together as much anymore and when they did, they wanted that peace and quiet. This was a rare occasion. </p><p>They only had one bag of clothes with them, they were only gonna be gone for a weekend after all. The room that they got had a pretty view that looked down at a nearby lake, the lake had frozen in the cold weather. </p><p>“I think this would be even nicer in summer” Adam stood and looked out the window “but winter does have its charm” </p><p>“It does, I’m gonna go take a shower. Be right back, love you” she came up and kissed the side of his face once before going into the bathroom and locking the door. </p><p>To entertain himself, Adam laid down on the big bed and turned on the Tv. He sapped mindlessly through the channels without finding anything more interesting than a documentary about wildlife in Australia. He left the tv on that one. It was just about lunch, of course nothing interesting would be on. Lunch. He was starting to feel hungry, they’d had breakfast early that morning. </p><p>But he’d have to wait for Barbara first, and she was taking an awfully long time. He knocked on the bathroom door to make sure everything was ok. </p><p>“Barb? I don’t want to rush you but when do you think you’ll be done, I’m getting kind of hungry” </p><p>A sound of something falling to the floor was heard before a response came. </p><p>“I’ll be out in 5 minutes” </p><p>5 minutes passed and true to her words she actually came out of the bathroom. But she looked kind of troubled, her hair was still wet and she was wearing a towel around her body. </p><p>Adam turned to look at her “All done?”</p><p>“Yeah, sure”</p><p>“What do you mean ‘sure’? If you need more time, just tell me-”</p><p>“No seriously, I’m done. Okay?” she cut off his sentence.</p><p>Taken aback by her sudden change of attitude, Adam knitted his eyebrows together. She rarely acted like this, but luckily Adam knew all sides of his wife and knew exactly why she was. She was stressed about something. You’d think it happened often but Barbara really wasn’t the type of person who stressed a lot. The last time he’d seen her like this was when they moved into their current home. This is why he was taken aback, nothing should stress her up here, they were only going to have a quiet and thought-free weekend.</p><p>“I know what you’re doing, why don’t you just talk about it instead?” He asked slowly.</p><p>“What am I doing?” she asked.</p><p>Like she didn’t know.</p><p>“Please honey, this is supposed to be a nice weeken-”</p><p>“Why are you saying it won’t?”</p><p>“Can you please stop cutting me off?” his tone was changing from soft to a bit harsher “It doesn’t even feel like you’re listening to me”</p><p>“But why are you complaining about what I do then?!”</p><p>“I’m not! I’m simply asking you to talk about what’s wrong!”</p><p>“Well I will be happy to inform you that nothing is wrong Adam and I don’t understand why we’re having this conversation!” she turned around and was heading back to the bathroom.</p><p>Adam took a step forward and grabbed her wrist.</p><p>“Don’t run away from your problems”</p><p>“You’re just disappointed that I’m not always that positive, happy, naive girl you met back in High school” tears were forming in her eyes, she was shaking as well. There was a silent moment between them as they both took in what she’d said. Those tears Barbara had in her eyes were being reflected in the eyes of the man she stood opposite with. The grip on her wrist lessened and she took the moment to walk past him and throw herself face down on the bed. She started sobbing into the mattress. Adam still stood frozen in his place. Those tears starting to fall down his face. It took him a moment before he headed over to the bed and sat down next to Barbara and put a hand on her shoulder, she was still wearing the towel.</p><p>“If you seriously think that I would ever be disappointed that you aren’t happy all the time I will tell you that it isn’t human to only be happy, we’re all sad, we’re all scared” he took a deep breathe and collected himself “Please understand that you’re still yourself and you will always be yourself. You’re the same girl I met on that first day, you’re the…” he sniffed a bit, it was getting harder to speak clearly “you’re the same girl I helped with math, you’re my first and last love. No matter how long will pass, you’ll still be you, even when you’re sad”</p><p>Barbara sat up and embraced Adam who put his arms around her as well. He felt his shoulder getting wet with her tears. </p><p>“So what’s bothering you?”</p><p>“My parents called this morning” she said through her tears. Adam knew Barbara loved her parents more than anything, even though they could be a little too involved in her life than she wanted to. She took what her parents said to heart, which was both good and bad. He tightened his grip on her. </p><p>“What did they want?”</p><p>“Well” she started “they just wanted to talk for a bit, they said it felt like we hadn’t seen each other for such a long time and asked when we’re visiting them again…”</p><p>“How are they?” Adam asked. It was the first thing on his checklist of things that could have possibly caused a bad reaction. </p><p>“They’re fine” </p><p>“What did they say that hurt you?” He was stroking her back now, something he knew usually calmed her down.</p><p>And he was right. </p><p>She wasn’t saying anything yet, but her breathing slowly got more even. Adam was giving her all the time she needed. </p><p>“They- they asked me- well us but you weren’t there… uhm… they asked when they’re getting…” she took a pause and tried collecting herself with a deep breath. The last word came out in almost a whisper. </p><p>“Grandchildren”</p><p>There was a moment of silence, when so many thoughts went through Adam’s head. Barbara was an only child, like himself, and they were both approaching the age when they were expected to start a family. Of course the question of furthering their family tree was gonna come at some point around this time. But why today? Why before their getaway weekend, when they were supposed to be able to just get away from their worries? Why right now when they were in an anxious state of waiting for their next appointment? No one knew of course. They hadn’t told anyone, they barely talked about it themselves. Her parents obviously didn’t know about it. That’s why they asked. They didn’t know it would hurt their daughter. </p><p>“Did you tell them?” He said after a beat. </p><p>“No” a sob “I said that we didn’t know yet and that we should get together soon. Adam we need to tell them, I won’t be able to live with the nagging thought of them getting their hopes up, they deserve to know” she was now looking at him with her tear-filled eyes. </p><p>“Of course we’ll talk to them” he kissed her forehead gently. </p><p>Since they both didn’t really feel like leaving the room right now, they decided to order food up to their room. They ate it in silence on the bed, both needing some time to calm down.</p><p>“I’m sorry I got mad at you, I should know better than screaming to get to you” Adam spoke suddenly. That made Barbara smile an apologizing smile at him.</p><p>“I’m sorry too” she said “I should just tell you what’s wrong instead of keeping it inside until something like this happens. I don’t want you to be mad at me and I don’t want to be mad at you”</p><p>“What do you want to do when we’re done with the food?” Adam asked when they were almost done.</p><p>“I feel like staying here for a while, I know we only have so much time but I won’t be able to enjoy it unless I feel better” </p><p>“We’ll stay for as long as you want” they put away the plates and Barbara laid down on her side on the bed. Adam cuddled into her back and wrapped his arms around her, his nose was in her neck and their legs tangled together.</p><p>“We’ll stay for as long as you need”.</p><p>***</p><p>Barbara woke up from the sunlight that hit her right in the face, the room faced east so it really wasn’t weird but kind of annoying nonetheless. Yesterday might have started out bad but once they’d left the room in the afternoon, she had felt more relaxed than she had in years. </p><p>She turned over to avoid the blinding light in her eyes, the white comforter making a ruffling sound when she did. On the other side of the bed her husband, still asleep, not affected by the sun as she herself had been. </p><p>“He’s so pretty, especially in the sunlight” she thought to herself. She moved over as closely as she could without disturbing his sleep. Laying only an inch from him she brought up her hand and traced his face with her finger, starting with his nose, then continuing down to his chin, jaw and up again to his eyebrows, brushing them carefully. Adam stirred in his sleep so Barbara seized the opportunity to lean forward and kiss him. That truly woke him up and he opened his eyes, confused he lifted his head off the pillow. He made a quiet ‘huh’ sound and looked around until he saw Barbara who was sitting on the other side of the bed, a grin on her soft face. </p><p>“Good morning to you too” he said in his raspy morning voice and smiled at her. She leaned down and kissed him again, sweetly pressing their lips together. Adam would never say no to a kiss from his wife but when he just woke up he didn’t feel so fresh, he didn’t really put as much into it as he would usually. So when Barbara tried to go a little deeper he kindly denied by moving his head a bit to the side.</p><p>“You want to brush your teeth?” she asked, oh she knew him all too well. </p><p>“Am I allowed or have you trapped me here?” he asked and smiled. Barbara looked down at them before she sat up next to him. Adam was just about to get up when she sat down right on his lap, stopping him from moving anywhere. </p><p>“I guess I have indeed trapped you here” she laughed quietly. The room then turned silent for a few moments, they stared into each other’s eyes. </p><p>A kiss. Another kiss.</p><p>“Do you think you could go one time even if you haven’t brushed your teeth yet?”</p><p>“Well one time shouldn’t harm anyone right?” Adam giggled softly.</p><p>They started kissing again, going deeper this time. It felt so good that they could still do this. It felt good. So good.</p><p>They’d gone to sleep in their underwear the night before, they usually wore some kind of pajamas but for some reason hadn’t put them on yesterday. Barbara far from cared. It would be easier that way right?</p><p>God, they hadn’t done anything like this in a while, they stopped sometime after that night a few months ago. Neither of them were ever in the mood, the worry and anxiety was too heavy upon their heads. </p><p>But maybe today, she’d missed this. A lot. You truly don’t know how much you love something until you lose that thing. But maybe it was coming back to her now.</p><p>She felt herself get hot, her whole body tingling with anticipation for what was hopefully coming. She stretched out her legs and pushed one of them in between Adams. He made a small sound against her lips. Barbara smiled to herself and started pressing harder. Anything to make him sound like that. </p><p>He made the same sound again, only this time a little louder and dragged out. She wasn’t actually pressing hard enough for him to get hurt, just so that he would be affected by it. </p><p>Once she stopped pressing she went still for a second. She wanted to make sure they both were on the same page. </p><p>“How do you feel?” She asked. </p><p>“I feel good” he whispered.</p><p>“Do you want to continue?”</p><p>“Yes please”</p><p>She reached her arms around Adam and slowly but surely started peeling away his underwear from the back. He shivered as she took her time, dragging her finger along his legs as the underwear started coming off. He decided that in order to fasten the process he could bring his own hand to Barbaras back and work on her bra, it came off quickly revealing her whole beautiful upper body. He threw it off the bed just in time that Barbara was done with his own underwear and those went on the floor as well. </p><p>So this was happening now, it was happening here. She didn’t know whether it would become a habit like it used to be or if this was just a one-time thing. But she did know something and that was that in this beautiful moment it was just the two of them. She’d missed the intimacy where the rest of the world slowly dissolved around them. </p><p>As Adam made a small sound underneath her she came back from her thoughts. He looked at her with his shiny, pretty eyes and she stared right back into them. How could she forget how amazing that was. </p><p>Barbara leaned down so that they were close enough to feel each other’s breath. She put her hand on the back of his neck and pulled him up just a bit so that they were kissing, starting out soft but eventually going deeper and deeper. Adam reached down to pull off Barbara’s underwear which was the last piece of clothing any of them were wearing. He was forced to break the kiss much to Barbara’s dislike. </p><p>“Sorry, just gonna...” he struggled a bit but managed to pull them down to the end of her feet “There” </p><p>Now they were both exposed to each other, they took a breather and just looked at one another. </p><p>“Ever told you how beautiful you are?” Adam said and placed a kiss on the middle of her chest. </p><p>“You have, a million times but I’ll never get tired of hearing it” god she loved him so much. </p><p>“Guess I’ll say it a few more times then”</p><p>“Mmm” Barbara mumbled and closed her eyes as Adam continued the kisses all over, whispering the word ‘beautiful’ as he went along. She wanted this to last forever, she loved the way Adam’s breath tickled over her chest. Her mouth hung open just a little bit and her whole body was both relaxed and tense at the same time. It felt a bit nostalgic, how she would react in these situations, it was something you forgot not doing it regularly. </p><p>The kisses then stopped, she opened her eyes and saw Adam just laying there, watching her. </p><p>“What?” She giggled. </p><p>“Nothing, I’ve just missed you, I’ve missed this, I don’t want it to end just yet” Adam said. </p><p>“Don’t worry, I feel the same” Barbara smiled at him “So let’s make it count” </p><p>Adam gave her a smile mixed with both fondness and arousal. </p><p>“Yeah, let’s make it count”</p><p>The build-up had only been half as good as the actual act, she could swear she hadn’t ever felt this good before. Everything about it was just so perfect, all the sounds, words, moans, the bed, the morning light of the sun streaming through the curtains and the whole climax, obviously. </p><p>All was perfect, no worries, no bad feelings. Just a harmonic world where all that existed were them. </p><p>They just laid there for a while, as they should after everything that had just happened, none of them were in a hurry to get anywhere. They could both feel it in their bodies, it didn’t hurt but rather just ached a bit. </p><p>“That was just…” Adam started “So so so good, you’re amazing, have you practiced?” He joked. </p><p>Barbara laughed “No, but don’t give me all the credit, you did amazing too” she hit his shoulder playfully. She then sat up, oh yeah her body definitely wasn’t used to this, she felt it. Sitting up she slowly got off to sit next to him, the sheets were of that sort you can only get at hotels, silky soft and perfectly distributed to create a flat area without wrinkles. She felt those sheets as they touched her naked body. The last time they’d done this out of their own home had probably been on their honeymoon, they barely got out these days and when they did, both of them were too busy doing other things. That was why the sheets felt so specific, they reminded her of that time, they were newlyweds, excited about life and each other, it was before the emotional bullshit came along. </p><p>“Won’t you come and lie here by me?” Adam asked, he’d been watching her so fondly as he did, he truly made her feel loved, his gaze so full of emotions. She smiled then scooted over to lie down by his side. He immediately wrapped her in his arms and put his face in her hair. Barbara on the other hand was forced to be facing his neck, it may or may not have some marks on it. But just a few…</p><p>“Barb” he whispered “My beautiful, gorgeous, pretty, sweet wife, friend and partner in crime, I love you so much, you can’t even imagine” </p><p>It almost brought tears to her eyes, she’d been feeling so much in just the past 30 minutes that this became overwhelming. It was happy tears though. </p><p>“I think I can because I love you just as much, even more actually, you’re like my sunshine, you light me up even in the darkest of times and I’m so happy that I get to have that”. </p><p>He only tightened his grip on her until they’d almost become as one. Adam sighed. </p><p>“We’ll get up in a while, right now, let’s have this” </p><p>***</p><p>They were in the car heading for the hospital. It was time for their second appointment, they had take the at-home tests they’d gotten last time and we’re bringing them back today. It was one of the first warm days in some time, the sky was blue and the sun was shining. Such a bad day to maybe get your heartbroken. </p><p>“I’m really nervous” Barbara said as the car was approaching “I have no idea what’s gonna happen and it just stresses me out” </p><p>“I’m nervous too, but we can do it” Adam said and looked over at her, eyebrows were furrowed and her hands were knitted together in her lap. She noticed him looking over at her and raised her eyes up. </p><p>”I don’t know if I will be able to actually, if the results are bad…” </p><p>“We’ll deal with it then, let’s keep a positive mind for now” Adam was scared too, terrified even, but he needed to stay calm, for Barbara and himself. </p><p>It was still the same waiting room they’d been in last time, there were a few more people there this time around though. They took a seat on one of the benches, it wasn’t comfortable but it worked. Barbara took Adam’s hand and held it tightly, he could feel a slight tremble running through her body. </p><p>He wondered what they looked like to other people there. Adam would always make up stories about the people around him when he was younger, like when he went to the library or it was the first day at at school and a bunch of new people were in his class. He’d made up all these stories about Barbara when he’d met her for the first time. It made time pass like crazy. </p><p>They got called in pretty soon, it was the same doctor they’d met last time. She started out by taking the tests they’d taken home, then proceeded to ask how they’d been in the last couple of months. </p><p>“We‘ve been fine” </p><p>“Have you talked about this at all?” The doctor asked. </p><p>“Yeah, I think we realized that it’s gonna tear us apart if we kept it all feelings to ourselves”</p><p>“This is a hard process to go through so we do usually recommend couple counseling in case needed, so I would just like you to know that it’s available for you” She looked at the computer “So, last time we took some blood test, we could not find any abnormalities in either one of yours. Our plan for today will be…” she scrolled down a bit on her computer “Yeah a gynecological examination, then you” she looked at Adam “will leave a sperm test. The results will be analyzed and then we will send you a letter in about 2 months depending on what we find” </p><p>They were separated after that, Barbara going away to where she was meeting the gynecologist while Adam got to go to a different room down the hall. The doctor gave him a test tube before closing the door, leaving him all alone. He locked it and looked around the room, it was empty except for a chair and a table next to it. He had been told to “take his time” so he went to sit in the chair, it was weird being in this situation, he hadn’t been alone since he was a teenager. He’d always been with Barb. Barbara. He wondered how she was doing right now, how was she feeling about all of this. Maybe if he was going through with this it would be good to think about her. </p><p>He thought back to their wedding, how beautiful she’d been walking down the aisle, their first kiss as husband and wife. He thought about the wedding night, he remembered it in oddly detail. He closed his eye as he thought about it thinking that it might work a bit better if the room wasn’t distracting him. </p><p>He thought of her beautiful face, her bright eyes, her curly hair, what her voice sounded like when she whispered into his ear. He sighed softly as he thought about their last time, he’d really felt so good that time, so good. Yes that definitely did something. Continue down that train of thought. </p><p>He did, thinking about every single part of their intimacy. Suppressing all thoughts about how weird this actually was and why he was doing it. He was using his hand now as well and felt himself getting closer and closer. Oh right the test tube. He picked it up from the table where he’d left it laying. After filling it with the content desired he sought some paper towels to clean himself up. He put the little test tube in a hall in the wall, there were two different doors, one leading into the lab and the other leading to the room he was in. </p><p>When he opened the door out to the corridor he was met by the doctor. </p><p>“Everything went well?” </p><p>“Ehm yeah” he scratched the back of his head. </p><p>“Perfect, you can wait out here in the waiting room, your wife should be here shortly” </p><p>“Thank you” </p><p>“Good luck to you both and remember that you aren’t alone and we can fix most of these things if we know what they are, have a good day Mr Maitland” </p><p>“Thank you” he said as she turned on her heel to walk back to her office. Adam himself walked the opposite direction towards the waiting room, there weren’t any people there right now so he decided to sit down on one of the more comfortable couches. And he waited, and waited, and waited. He counted 20 minutes on the clock when he heard footsteps approaching in the distance. Then he saw her. She looked a bit disheveled and tired but she didn’t seem to be hurting anywhere. She walked up to him on the couch and reached her arms out for a hug. </p><p>“How was it?” He asked as he took her into his embrace. </p><p>“I didn’t like one bit of it, and I missed you” she mumbled all the words into his neck “How long have you been waiting here?”</p><p>“Not long, only 20 minutes” </p><p>They stood there in the hug for some time before Barbara said “I wanna go home” </p><p>“Of course we’ll go home” Adam said and took her hand to start walking out of the waiting room to the exit. The appointment had taken a little over an hour so the weather outside was still just as beautiful as it had been before. </p><p>“Would you like to go on a walk when we get home? The weather’s still really nice” </p><p>“To where?” Barbara asked as they walked down the parking lot. </p><p>“Nowhere special, I just think it would be good to just walk, get some fresh air you know” </p><p>“It does sound like a good idea” </p><p>“So it’s settled?” </p><p>“It’s settled” </p><p>***</p><p>Barbara sat on the couch, her leg shaking nervously. She and Adam were at her parents, right after their second appointment they’d decided on a time with her parents when they’d come over. Even if they both had been dreading it they still knew it needed to be done. </p><p>“It’s so nice seeing you in person again, it’s been so long” Barbara’s mom smiled at them when she carried in a tray with coffee cups on it. </p><p>Adam and Barbara were pretty much quiet but gave her small smiles and ‘thank you’s as she put down cups for each of them. </p><p>“Do you want milk?” </p><p>“No thank you” </p><p>“Ok” she sat down in the armchair opposite to the couch, next to her was the other armchair which unofficially belonged to her dad who was in the bathroom right now. </p><p>“So how are you doing? How’s life out of town?” </p><p>“Yeah it’s great, it’s comfortable having everything so close” Barbara said “It also really feels like home, no cars or people being loud late at night when you want to sleep. It’s… it’s our place” </p><p>“How have you been doing” Adam asked. </p><p>“Oh we’ve been just swell, we miss having you over at dinner so often but that’s also why it’s so nice to have you here now”</p><p>“Indeed it is” Barbara’s dad came back into the room just as she finished her sentence. He sat down in the armchair before picking up his cup and filling it with coffee. </p><p>Adam looked over at Barbara, took her hand and squeezed it slightly. It was a question.</p><p>“Should we tell them now or do you want to wait?” </p><p>She nodded and gave him as much of a confident look as she could manage. </p><p>“There’s actually something we wanted to tell you” </p><p>“Oh, well we’re listening” her mom said. </p><p>“We’ve been having this ehm… Problem and we have searched for help and we’re...” he looked over at this wife, he needed to assure her as much as her parents “we’re gonna figure it out”</p><p>“Oh my love, what is it?”</p><p>“We’ve been trying for a very long time to… get pregnant but… it hasn’t really worked out, so we’re going through… a fertility investigation” </p><p>Her parents just stared blankly at Adam then looked over at Barbara. It was awfully quiet for a few seconds, Adam felt Barbara tense next to him. </p><p>“I am… so sorry” her mom suddenly said. </p><p>Barbara almost seemed sad at her words “You don’t need to be sorry”. </p><p>“No sweetie, I am sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed the whole thing either, I can’t imagine how bad that must feel”</p><p>“Mom, you could never know, this is why we’re telling you” her voice choked up a bit “You both deserve to know” Adam turned his head to her to see tears building up in her eyes, he knew how hard this was for her, she felt like she was letting her own parents down. That made him sad too. </p><p>It was quiet once again. Adam removed his hand that had been holding hers for the entire time, to put his arm around her. </p><p>“You’re not letting anyone down, this isn’t your fault” he whispered into her ear which made her cry. It was soft, not like the other times when she could break down completely, but she still needed the comfort. Adam closed his eyes, he knew that her parents were watching them but right now, what mattered was Barbara. </p><p>There was another pair of arms that wrapped around him and as he opened his eyes, Barbara’s mom was standing there and embracing both of them. She had tears in her eyes too. Barbara’s dad, who hadn’t said a lot during the conversation, also came and wrapped his arms around them. They were now in the middle of a group hug, he felt safe in here and Barbara seemed to feel the same as she relaxed a bit. </p><p>They stayed in a hug like that, everyone cried at least a little bit, a full-on sob or a small, almost inaudible whimper. And with every cry that could be heard, the hug got just a little bit tighter. Actions spoke louder than words right now, I’m here, you’re not alone, everything will be okay, I promise. </p><p>It had been quiet for a few minutes when Barbara freed herself from the hug which made everyone release as well. She wiped some of the leftover tears off her face before speaking. </p><p>“Thank you so much, I needed that” it was meant for everyone in the room and without really saying anything, everyone in the room agreed that they probably needed that just as much. </p><p>“I think the coffee might have gone cold” her dad said as a way to lighten the mood. </p><p>And it did, Barbara laughed slightly and said “It’s fine, I didn’t really want coffee anyway” </p><p>“We’re so glad you told us” her mom said. </p><p>“Indeed” her dad agreed. </p><p>“I am happy we told you too” Barbara said “It has been a little tough these last couple of months”</p><p>“I understand that, where are you right now? In the investigation?” </p><p>“Well we’re waiting for the results from the last visit which was two weeks ago” Adam said “They said it could take up to two months” </p><p>“I hope nothing is wrong” her dad said. </p><p>“Neither do we, but unfortunately something probably is since nothing is happening” The last part of the sentence came out like a whisper from Barbara’s mouth. </p><p>“I still think we should hope, and if it’s like you say, I hope nothing is too wrong” her dad said. </p><p>“Thanks” </p><p>“Anything else that’s been going on?” Barbara’s mom said “How was the spa trip?”</p><p>“The spa trip was amazing, it honestly felt like dropping everything and just starting over, without all problems life throws at you. It was relaxing to say at least” Barbara took up the word. She had appreciated the trip so much and insisted that they should do it more often. After the argument they’d had, Barbara was the most calm and happy Adam had seen her in years. Life had just been a big bunch of stress ever since they moved. Adam hoped that whatever time came after they would figure this out would be like the spa trip, however stupid that sounded. </p><p>***</p><p>It was a typical evening in the house, most rooms were quiet and dark without signs of anyone living there. But in the livingroom, a fire was burning brightly in the fireplace. There was nothing that the Maitlands loved more than sitting in by the fire, looking at its liveliness flames as they danced around in front of their eyes. </p><p>Right now they were curled up on the couch, Barbara’s head in Adam’s lap as he played with her hair. </p><p>“Adam?” Barbara said. </p><p>“Mm” Adam mumbled back as he twisted another piece of hair around his finger. </p><p>“Do you ever think of what would have happened if we didn’t run into each other on the first day of school?” </p><p>Adam stopped and thought for a few seconds then proceeded. </p><p>“Not really, you do?”</p><p>“Yeah, sometimes”</p><p>“What do you think would have happened then?” He let go of her hair and started stroking her hair instead. </p><p>“Maybe we wouldn’t have been here today, maybe I would be with one of those desperate guys from history class”</p><p>Adam laughed softly. </p><p>“And me?”</p><p>“I don’t know, maybe you would have found someone after college or something” then “No wait I know, do you remember that girl who came to my birthday party with one of my friends? Her name was something like Emilia?”</p><p>“Amelia?”</p><p>“Oh, I always thought it was Emilia, anyway, she used to be my friend’s friend in middle school and she asked her if she could come to my 17th birthday party and then she just kind of got invited without anyone telling me”</p><p>“I remember your 17th birthday, I was the only guy there” Adam said.</p><p>“I never liked boys from school very much, they were either rude or just incredibly desperate, and it didn’t get better as they got older” Barbara paused, thinking back to what she’d been talking about “Right so Amelia just came to my birthday party because she had a crush on you, not because she even liked me or anything” </p><p>“How do you even know that?”</p><p>“She literally only hung out around you and one of her friends even told me what her whole motive was” </p><p>“Is that why she would look at me in the corridor? I always tried to say hi but she just stared, I thought she was like psychopathic or something” </p><p>“Maybe she was that too” Barbara giggled then the room went quiet, she closed her eyes and let the calming movement of Adam’s hand in her hair soothe her. </p><p>“You want to know what I think?” Adam said. </p><p>“Yeah” Barbara whispered. </p><p>He leaned down so she could feel his breath on her ear. </p><p>“I think we’d be together anyway, because no matter when it is, our paths are always destined to cross” </p><p>“How do you know that?”</p><p>“I just do, I know this is where I’m supposed to be” </p><p>“Yeah, me too”</p><p>***</p><p>It was finally good enough weather to start having breakfast outside. Out on the patio was a couch that they would sit on together and just enjoy the singing birds while watching the town wake up. </p><p>“I’m going to get the mail” Barbara singsonged happily as she got up from the couch, they had a later breakfast than usual today, deciding they had wanted to stay in bed a little longer today. Both of them had woken up feeling so good, they’d slept well, the weather was good and it was just one of those days that nothing could ruin. </p><p>“Leaving me alone already?” Adam said from where he was sitting ”Oh no, don’t leave me my love, I could never live without you” he stretched out his hand dramatically. </p><p>“I am sorry my gentleman, I have found someone else” Barbara put on her best old fashioned voice. </p><p>“What does he have that I am lacking?”</p><p>“He has the holy mail” </p><p>“I do guess I can never live up to that” </p><p>They both laughed as she walked over to the mailbox, she opened it to see quite a big pile, especially for being just a normal day. Anywho she picked it all up in one bunch and started looking through them. Once she was almost by the stairs leading to the patio she pulled up a letter addressed from the hospital. Suddenly her heart dropped, she had pushed the worry back for so long now that she’d almost forgotten it. </p><p>Adam who saw her standing still at the bottom of the stairs called out. </p><p>“Barb? Are you okay?” </p><p>She walked up the stairs slowly, she sat down next to him and showed him the letter. </p><p>“It was in the mail”</p><p>“Is it…?”</p><p>“I think so”</p><p>“Do you want to open it”</p><p>Barbara huffed “Not really… but we have to” </p><p>“Okay, do you want me to do it?”</p><p>She thought for a second. </p><p>“We could do it together”</p><p>So she sat down next to him, now both of their hands were holding the envelope. It wasn’t very practical but they managed to get it open and take out its contents: a couple of folded papers. </p><p>Adam took a deep breath and Barbara did the same, then they unfolded the papers. </p><p>On the first page were only their personal information and dates when they’d made their visit. The second paper contained the test results for Barbara. They both read them through quietly. It said that they hadn’t found anything wrong. </p><p>“Adam, I- if anything is wrong with you, I- I really don’t know” he would always comfort her so this time she was the one to put her arms around him “Like you say, we’ll figure it out” </p><p>She couldn’t quite explain how she was feeling, she was so relieved that she was fine which was the reason she didn’t really feel that sad. She’d had a feeling it was her fault all along and just getting to know that it wasn’t… she just hadn’t really prepared herself for it. </p><p>Adam smiled weakly at her “Let’s get it over with”</p><p>On the last paper were his own test results, it turned out he had a decreased amount of sperm, not many enough to get pregnant. </p><p>“Do you… know anyone else in your family who’ve had this problem?” </p><p>Adam shook his head, he didn’t feel like speaking, he just stared down at the small text of the paper. It made him feel sick. </p><p>“Adam, maybe we should go inside?”</p><p>He never actually answered but stood up from the couch and started walking inside anyway, Barbara herself remained outside to pick it the tray and everything. </p><p>When she opened the door and walked in, she saw him sit on the couch. After leaving the tray in the kitchen she slowly approached him. </p><p>“Adam, honey, it’s okay, you’re not the problem” </p><p>“I am though, am I not?”</p><p>“No no no, why would you be? You always told me that it wasn’t my fault if something was wrong with me, the same goes for you” she wrapped her arms around him and felt him relax against her body. She sat down next to him. It was only a after a few minutes that she could hear silent sobbing sounds coming from him, she pulled away to see if he was crying. </p><p>And he was, tears were just slowly falling down her husband’s cheeks, it made her heart break, she almost never saw him cry. He’d always been so strong for her that maybe he’d never really gotten the chance to be comforted himself. She was so grateful for him always being there for her, but now he needed her to be there for him. </p><p>“Adam, I know this is hard, it’s hard for me too, I just don’t want you to blame yourself” the relief she’d felt for earlier had been replaced by empathy, she felt bad for Adam, he was like her other half, meaning that if he wasn’t well, she didn’t feel whole. </p><p>“I don’t want to” he wiped at the tears in his eyes. </p><p>“And you don’t have to either” she moved closer and sat next to him, taking his hands in her and looking in his eyes she repeated the words he’d told her so many times. </p><p>“We’re going to figure it out” </p><p>***</p><p>They never did, it had been 6 months since they’d gotten the results. It was November and the depressing transition between fall and winter was apparent. The leaves had fallen off the trees and they now looked like dead skeletons. </p><p>Adam and Barbara were both spiraling, there was barely any happiness in life anymore, the house had gone from a sunny meadow to a deep, dark cave. </p><p>They weren’t happy here, they weren’t happy anywhere. </p><p>They both went to work as usual, they ate dinner as usual, talking about their day, they went to sleep together, quietly getting into each their sides on the bed and exchanging a “good night”. </p><p>To top it all off, Adam had gotten a call from his mom, she’d told him that she had been feeling bad lately and was now in the hospital. It all came crashing down for him then, first his dad, not mom too. </p><p>Barbara had agreed to come with him to the hospital, it was the same one they’d gotten tested at, but no word about that was spoken. </p><p>“Adam, it’s so nice to see you, and Barbara, you too” she was laying in a hospital bed under a thin blanket. She looked exhausted, her eyes looking like they would close any moment and go into a deep sleep. </p><p>“Mom” Adam said before stepping up next to the bed “I’ve missed you so much” he embraced her tightly.</p><p>“Do you have any information? Have the doctors told you what’s wrong?” Adam released her from the hug. </p><p>“Not yet, they are still looking” his mom said and looked down onto the floor “But I will call you whenever I get to hear something. How have you been? I haven’t heard from you in months” </p><p>Adam sighed “I… haven’t been so well” </p><p>Barbara’s attention was suddenly focused on him, was he about to tell her about their problems? She didn’t really know what to do so she just stood awkwardly. </p><p>“Oh, how come?”</p><p>“I hadn’t told you but… we were trying for children and it just… nothing happened so we decided to do an investigation and we got the results back in May and it turns out” he laughed a little bit, not a real laugh, more because he couldn’t believe he was saying it “it’s my fault” </p><p>His mom looked at him silently for some time before speaking. </p><p>“It isn’t your fault, it might be what it says on a paper, but in your heart, you never wanted this to happen, you can’t blame yourself for something you can’t control” </p><p>Adam got tears in his eyes, so did his mom. And I’m fact Barbara too. </p><p>“I just, wish it was as easy as it sounds”</p><p>“It is, when you put your mind to it” his mom waved over Barbara who came and stood next to her husband. </p><p>“Look at you both, so young, so full of life, if anyone can make it through this it’s you”</p><p>Adam wasn’t sure that she understood. </p><p>“Actually, I think we’re falling apart” Barbara spoke up “I’m not feeling that we are ourselves anymore”</p><p>Adam turned his head to her. </p><p>“What…” came out quietly. </p><p>“I still love you, in here” she pointed to her heart “I just don’t love myself, and if I don’t love myself, I’m never going to able to love you up here” she pointed to her head now. </p><p>“I hate that we never got back after May, I hate that I never tried reaching out even if I knew how bad you felt” she was crying at this point. </p><p>“I hate that I never asked, I never asked for help, I never asked if you wanted to proceed” Adam was very much crying too. </p><p>No one knew what to say and they were just standing, facing each other. </p><p>“Adam, I think we need help” </p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“I don’t know if we should have this conversation right now, that is not why we’re here” </p><p>“We never even speak of these things anymore” </p><p>“I promise we will, but… not right now” </p><p>“Adam” his mom now called “Remember what I always told you when you were young?” </p><p>He crouched next to her bed and whispered. </p><p>“Yeah, that no matter how far down you go, there’s always a way back up” </p><p>“Sometimes it just takes time to find it, the world has made it through tragedy after tragedy and we are still here today. I know that you are the most amazing man, son and husband that anyone of us could ever wish for, you need to believe that yourself too” </p><p>“I do, sometimes”</p><p>“When don’t you?”</p><p>“Whenever I feel that I’ve let someone down” </p><p>“Is that why it’s like this right now?”</p><p>“Yeah probably…”</p><p>“You haven’t let anyone down”</p><p>“I know that I’m not I’m not the reason that my body is the way it is, but I could have handled things so much better”</p><p>“But instead of hooking yourself up on past mistakes, change for the better and remember what you want that change to be” </p><p>There was a knock on the door and a man peeked his head in. </p><p>“Excuse me but the visiting time is over”</p><p>Adam stood up from where he’d been crouching, he took his mother’s hand and squeezed it. </p><p>“I love you mom” he brought her hand up and kissed it gently. </p><p>“I love you too” then she pulled him down to her level again ”Promise me you’ll talk, I want you to be happy next time I see you” </p><p>“I promise”</p><p>Adam and Barbara walked out of the building, got in the car and drove away. </p><p>“What did you mean when you said that you think we need help?”</p><p>“I just mean, I think we should meet someone who can help us through this, I know we think we can do everything on our own, but we can’t”</p><p>Adam thought about it. </p><p>“You’re right, we can’t do everything on our own”</p><p>Barbara looked over at him and smiled, a real smile. </p><p>“If you need to know, I’m so happy you admit that” </p><p>Adam smiled back at her. </p><p>“It’s a first step”</p><p>***</p><p>They had managed to get an appointment with a psychologist. He had asked them about their problems and what underlying factors could cause those problems. They had mentioned their lack of communication in the last couple of months and that it had been caused by the results of their investigation. </p><p>The psychologist had told them a bunch of things, he’d given them questions they could ask each other to get their communication levels up, he’d also told them that they should start trying new things, things that didn’t relate to children. He explained that learning new things could give you a boost of confidence and lead to a healthier mental life. </p><p>A week later Barbara had signed them up for a meditation class. </p><p>“That’s really not my thing” Adam complained when she’d told him. </p><p>“I know” Barbara looked at him beggingly “But can’t you just do it for me?”</p><p>He gave her a smile that said “Only for you then”. </p><p>Things had definitely gotten better, they both felt so much better, it was more on Adam’s mom’s side rather than the psychologist, but that was not the point. </p><p>His mom had gotten out of the hospital a week after their visit with subscribed drugs she took every day. She was fine now which eased Adam. </p><p>”Love you” she said and kissed his cheek quickly out of excitement. She had kind of wanted to try meditation for a few years now. </p><p>The class had been… okay. Adam kind of gave up after a few minutes and stared up at the ceiling instead. Barbara on the other hand, had loved it, she wouldn’t stop talking about how calm she felt on the whole car ride home. She swore she would do it at home at least once a week. </p><p>But she never did. It was like after just a few days, the memory of what she’d said had just disappeared. She didn’t seem unhappy though. </p><p>“It’s my turn to choose something for us to do this time” Adam said as Barbara was looking for a new hobby they could try. </p><p>“Okay” she said “but choose something good”</p><p>“Oh yeah I will” </p><p>He’d ended up choosing a class about bird watching. Barbara had to admit it had been interesting but nothing she necessarily wanted to do again. Adam had agreed. </p><p>And so it went on, they found a new hobby but dropped it just a few days later. As weeks became months and winter turned to spring they had tried almost everything they could find on the internet. Some things had stuck around, Adam had really liked woodworking and took it upon himself to take orders from people in town, he kept himself busy in the garage where he had sat up a little woodworking shop. Barbara was currently into pottery, she was so gentle as she used her hands to shape the piece of clay. </p><p>They’d started hanging out more with people their age, they made friends, it felt new and old at the same time. They had almost lived in a bubble since they moved, not really getting to know anyone. But now they were finally becoming part of the community. </p><p>***</p><p>“Barbara, I’m home” Adam called as he entered through the door. Barbara came walking in from the kitchen, holding one of her jugs that she was cleaning with a towel.</p><p>“Was there traffic on the bridge? she asked, he had sent her a message when he left the store and it had taken him a lot longer than usual to get home.</p><p>“Bill passed me on his tractor” Adam said and Barbara knew exactly what that meant “I was like pick a lane Bill”</p><p>Adam then proceeded to tell her how he had managed to get the last bottle of Manchurian tung oil, he was using it as the final touch on a crib he’d been making for the O’Brians down the street. As he was finishing it, he’d brought into the livingroom so he and Barbara could have a conversation while they were both working. The crib he was making was actually built from an antique one that the O’Brians told him they’d gotten from a grandparent, it just needed some touch-ups as it had been standing in someone’s attic for way too long. </p><p>Along the process Adam had gotten quite attached to the crib, he’d been working so hard on it and it gave him a strange feeling deep down in his stomach, a feeling that something that was missing in his life. </p><p>The phone in the kitchen then rang, Adam jumped a bit at the sudden sound.</p><p>“I’ll get it” Barbara said and happily jumped back to where she’d come from earlier. Adam walked up to the crib and removed the white sheet that had been protecting it.</p><p>“Hey old girl” Adam said quietly, not wanting Barbara to overhear “let’s get you finished”.</p><p>He put some of the oil on a cloth that was laying in the crib, he took a great amount of time, making sure that all the small edges and corners also got oil on them. He was so into his work that he was a bit startled at sound of Barbara coming into the room.</p><p>“That was the O’Brians calling”</p><p>“Oh don’t worry, I’ll have this crib ready before that baby gets here” </p><p>“She had it yesterday”</p><p>“Oh, that’s great, I guess there’s no rush. You want some lunch?” He’d picked up the sheet and was bringing it with him as he walked towards the kitchen.</p><p>“Maybe a sandwich?”</p><p>“One sandwich coming up” he stopped by her side to kiss her sweetly on the cheek. Anyone who would observe them now that had met them two years ago would think they were under some kind of spell, they had changed so much in just the last year that they could barely be recognized.</p><p>Barbara was left alone with her thoughts. And her jugs. She decided to focus on the jugs, they were less complicated and she was always in control of them. She looked at them, they were so beautiful and they were her creation. Somewhere in the back of her mind she heard a voice telling her that she only did pottery because she was too scared to have a baby. She ignored it, pushing the thought further back than it had already been until it was only like an echoing far, far away.</p><p>It was then that Adam entered the room with the sandwiches in hand. </p><p>“Here we go” he said as he sat it all down on the table. </p><p>“Perfect” Barbara said. </p><p>They ate and enjoyed the fact that it was a saturday and noting was expected from them today or tomorrow.</p><p>“Adam, I was just thinking, should we try again” Barbara suddenly said.</p><p>“Try?”</p><p>“You know, trying for a baby”</p><p>There was complete silence for a long time and Barbara regretted ever asking the question.</p><p>“I… I want to, but… think of all these things we need to fix before, we need to do that first”</p><p>Barbara looked at him, a little confused.</p><p>“Like the cracks in the plaster” </p><p>“Oh yeah, we need to fix that”</p><p>“The wifi, it’s slow, we need faster wifi”</p><p>“Hey I know, this sofa needs a castor” Barbara now added in, finally getting on the notes.</p><p>“The the bathroom is constantly a mess” Adam agreed.</p><p>“And just think of the cruel world it would have to grow up in” </p><p>“Yeah, and we don’t even know a second language to teach them, like spanish or something”</p><p>They ended up both agreeing it was almost a crime to put a new human into the world as well as their own already ‘messy’ life.</p><p>Creak.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>Creak.</p><p>“Oh noo”</p><p>Creak.</p><p>“Barbara, would you be so kind as to adding ‘Fix the floorboards’ onto our to-do list?”</p><p>“Already on it”</p><p>They had a list on the fridge with everything that needed to be done at the moment. It had two columns, one for things that needed to be fixed in the house, and the other one was for outside the house. </p><p>“I need something uplifting after that conversation” Adam thought to himself and decided to put on some music, it was their classic calypso music that they held dear in their hearts, Barbara had grown up on it and when she met Adam, he had been lured into it as well.</p><p>“Barb, come and dance with me” </p><p>She gave him one of the sappiest smiles ever before walking over the floor to get to him.</p><p>Creak.</p><p>He took her in his arms, closely so that he could feel her heartbeat. Everything was perfect.</p><p>Creak.</p><p>It was so much louder, so much more complaining than before. But the two Maitlands didn’t notice, they were trapped in their own little world, they didn't notice as the floorboards started to break just a little.</p><p>“Adam” Barbara came out from her trance with one particularly loud creak.</p><p>“Mmm” he mumbled.</p><p>“I think we should move away from these floorboards”</p><p>Adam seemed a bit confused “Why?”</p><p>“I think they’re about to bre-” she didn’t have time to finish her last sentence. She only registered falling.</p><p>Then everything went dark.</p><p>They were dead.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you so much for reading, hope you enjoyed!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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